1 00:00:22,821 --> 00:00:26,518 He's gonna make it right to the top. 2 00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:30,493 That crazy movin' groovin' kid who just won't stop. 3 00:00:30,562 --> 00:00:34,794 He's gonna rearrange the good ol' status quo. 4 00:00:34,866 --> 00:00:36,629 And get it all together. 5 00:00:36,701 --> 00:00:39,932 With the things he's got to know. 6 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:44,439 He's gonna make it He's gonna make it. 7 00:00:44,509 --> 00:00:48,240 He's gonna take this cockeyed world and shake it. 8 00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:52,613 He's gonna show them he's a winner in the end. 9 00:00:52,684 --> 00:00:54,447 With a little bit of luck. 10 00:00:55,553 --> 00:00:58,750 And a little bitty barefoot friend. 11 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:07,462 When they start rappin' that he's too young. 12 00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:11,559 He makes his mind up that he'll wind up number one. 13 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:15,663 And the whole wide world will know that he's around. 14 00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:21,201 Though other cats get uptight and try to put him down. 15 00:01:21,279 --> 00:01:25,181 He's gonna make it He's gonna make it. 16 00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:29,118 He's gonna take this cockeyed world and shake it. 17 00:01:29,187 --> 00:01:33,351 He's gonna show them he's a winner in the end. 18 00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:35,325 With a little bit of luck. 19 00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:39,424 And a little bitty barefoot friend. 20 00:02:34,786 --> 00:02:38,517 When they start rappin' that he's too young. 21 00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:42,890 He makes his mind up that he'll wind up number one. 22 00:02:42,961 --> 00:02:46,863 And the whole wide world will know that he's around. 23 00:02:46,931 --> 00:02:51,459 Though other cats get uptight and try to put him down. 24 00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:56,201 He's gonna make it He's gonna make it. 25 00:02:56,274 --> 00:03:00,233 He's gonna take this cockeyed world and shake it. 26 00:03:00,311 --> 00:03:04,145 He's gonna show them he's a winner in the end. 27 00:03:04,215 --> 00:03:06,183 With a little bit of luck. 28 00:03:07,318 --> 00:03:10,481 And a little bitty barefoot friend. 29 00:03:16,494 --> 00:03:20,658 - He's gonna make it. - Little bitty barefoot friend. 30 00:03:20,732 --> 00:03:24,259 - He's gonna make it. - Little bitty barefoot friend. 31 00:03:24,335 --> 00:03:28,203 - He's gonna make it. - Little bitty barefoot friend. 32 00:03:28,273 --> 00:03:33,040 - He's gonna make it. - Little bitty barefoot friend. 33 00:03:33,111 --> 00:03:35,739 Little bitty barefoot friend. 34 00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:07,638 Hi, Mark. 35 00:04:10,381 --> 00:04:12,178 Come on, Jen. It's almost over. 36 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:15,583 I'll be there in a minute. I told Steve I'd wait for him. 37 00:04:15,653 --> 00:04:18,781 I suppose he's at that crummy night school again. 38 00:04:18,857 --> 00:04:21,291 Roger, everyone can't be a Stanford man. 39 00:04:21,359 --> 00:04:23,088 Unfortunately. 40 00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:26,494 But he drives everyone nuts. Especially Uncle. 41 00:04:26,564 --> 00:04:28,657 Well, he won't bother him tonight. 42 00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:30,828 Anyone who graduates 43 00:04:30,902 --> 00:04:33,803 from the Moonrise Night School on Melrose Avenue 44 00:04:33,872 --> 00:04:36,432 is certainly not gonna make it at the network. 45 00:04:36,507 --> 00:04:38,907 - Hi, Rog. - Steve, it's about time. 46 00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:42,572 Yeah. We had this guest lecturer. This guy had a great idea about a story 47 00:04:42,647 --> 00:04:45,207 on Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog. It was a great idea. 48 00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:47,615 - Don't mention it tonight. - Yeah, okay. 49 00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:50,176 - Hey, how's the show going? - Not very well. 50 00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:52,746 - I haven't heard any laughs. - I'm not surprised. 51 00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:55,554 I saw it, it's a bomb. If Wilbanks'd just listen to me. 52 00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:57,686 You promised you wouldn't say anything. 53 00:04:57,762 --> 00:04:59,423 Who's saying anything? 54 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:07,003 Thank you. Thank you. How'd you like...? What did you...? 55 00:05:07,071 --> 00:05:10,837 Did you...? Harry, what did you think? 56 00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:13,969 Regardless of my personal feelings, Mr. Wilbanks, 57 00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:16,377 I think this show will have a very good rating. 58 00:05:17,048 --> 00:05:20,506 What do you mean, "regardless of your personal feelings"? 59 00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:24,646 Well, I... I just don't happen to like TV very much, that's all. 60 00:05:25,857 --> 00:05:28,655 He doesn't like TV. He's the morning program director. 61 00:05:28,726 --> 00:05:31,160 - Steve, please be quiet. - Charming. 62 00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:33,697 I mean, simply charming. 63 00:05:33,765 --> 00:05:35,232 - Loved it. - Thank you. 64 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:38,463 - Some of them liked it. - Jen, telephone. 65 00:05:38,536 --> 00:05:40,197 Of course they seemed to like it. 66 00:05:40,271 --> 00:05:42,671 He's vice president in charge of programming. 67 00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:45,834 Can you imagine what he'd do if someone didn't seem to like it? 68 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,368 Yes, operator. Mr. Wilbanks, international calling. 69 00:05:49,447 --> 00:05:52,245 - It's Farnsworth. - Farnsworth. That vulture. 70 00:05:52,317 --> 00:05:55,377 - Now, really, he isn't that bad. - Yes, he is. I know that man. 71 00:05:55,453 --> 00:05:59,116 Every time he thinks I'm in trouble, he calls me up and congratulates me. 72 00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:02,956 I tell you, he does it every time. Hello, Farnsworth. 73 00:06:03,027 --> 00:06:06,622 What a show, Francis. What a show. 74 00:06:06,698 --> 00:06:11,601 - Thank you, Farnsworth. - It was so, so... different. 75 00:06:11,669 --> 00:06:15,298 - Different? - Yes, absolutely. 76 00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:17,841 Incidentally, Clifford dropped by. 77 00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:22,005 He sends regards from his entire staff at Continental. 78 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,982 - Hiya, Francis. - Hello, Clifford. 79 00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:28,245 Well, I'm glad you liked it, Farnsworth, 80 00:06:28,319 --> 00:06:30,514 because, you see, what I was trying to do... 81 00:06:30,588 --> 00:06:32,783 We'll have lunch and talk about it. 82 00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:35,849 Well, good night, Francis, you old scoundrel. 83 00:06:35,927 --> 00:06:38,919 You've done it again. 84 00:06:42,266 --> 00:06:45,633 Well, I know I'm in trouble. They both congratulated me. 85 00:06:45,703 --> 00:06:49,070 Well, don't worry. It's what our big brass thinks that counts. 86 00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:50,368 But what do they think? 87 00:06:50,441 --> 00:06:52,875 There hasn't been a word from New York. Roger! 88 00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:54,912 - Yes, sir? - Don't sneak up on me. 89 00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,469 Get me New York. 90 00:06:56,814 --> 00:06:59,374 They're lolling around there in the lap of luxury. 91 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,884 We put on a new show. The president of the network 92 00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:04,217 doesn't call and tell me what he thinks of it. 93 00:07:04,288 --> 00:07:07,280 - Hi-line, Crampton, New York. - Good boy. He gets right... 94 00:07:07,358 --> 00:07:10,225 - What did you think of it? - Well, the... 95 00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:12,319 - The audience liked it. - Yes, they did. 96 00:07:12,397 --> 00:07:13,796 But I'm still worried. 97 00:07:13,865 --> 00:07:16,959 Uncle Francis, I think you always over-worry our first show. 98 00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:18,263 Is that what you think? 99 00:07:18,336 --> 00:07:20,531 Well, let's hope that's the case this time. 100 00:07:20,605 --> 00:07:23,233 Yes, sir, here he is. 101 00:07:23,307 --> 00:07:25,867 Hello, chief! How'd you like the show? 102 00:07:25,943 --> 00:07:28,878 Just fine, Wilbanks. Fine! 103 00:07:28,946 --> 00:07:30,675 Is there somebody there with you? 104 00:07:30,748 --> 00:07:33,444 Our sponsors are here. They watched the show with me. 105 00:07:33,518 --> 00:07:37,614 The sponsors are there. Well, what did they think of the show? 106 00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:40,589 They thought it was fine too, just fine. 107 00:07:40,658 --> 00:07:44,059 - How'd the showing go out there? - Fine, just fine. 108 00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:47,120 Several people laughed so hard they fell off their chairs. 109 00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:50,395 In fact, some of them are still applauding. 110 00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:57,337 Well, the ratings will be out in the morning. 111 00:07:57,408 --> 00:08:01,139 - They'll tell us the story, Francis. - Yes, they certainly will. 112 00:08:01,679 --> 00:08:05,274 - Good night, Francis. - Good night, chief. 113 00:08:06,117 --> 00:08:08,415 Cut! 114 00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:10,545 Not now, for heaven's sakes. 115 00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:13,886 Ratings. That's all they think about are ratings. 116 00:08:13,958 --> 00:08:17,792 We get great audience response. You heard them clapping yourself. 117 00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,887 And they're worried about the ratings. 118 00:08:19,964 --> 00:08:22,432 It's enough to give a man nervous prostration. 119 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,230 You look a little pale. Maybe I should get your pills. 120 00:08:25,303 --> 00:08:27,271 Yes, I feel a little pale. Get my pills. 121 00:08:27,338 --> 00:08:30,136 Love that casting, Francis. Love that casting! 122 00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:33,575 Yeah, wasn't it good? The fellow with the hat? Didn't you like him? 123 00:08:33,644 --> 00:08:36,442 Jen, what'd you think of the show? 124 00:08:36,514 --> 00:08:38,982 Well, I thought it had certain possibilities. 125 00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,574 Did you? I'm glad to hear... 126 00:08:40,651 --> 00:08:45,782 - I thought next time, you could... - Post! Not tonight! 127 00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:50,093 He never listens. He'll never listen! 128 00:08:50,161 --> 00:08:51,753 Steve, did you slip him a note? 129 00:08:51,829 --> 00:08:54,957 Jen, all he needs is one good program idea. 130 00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,693 Steve! 131 00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:16,676 Mertons, will you stop blowing that infernal horn? 132 00:09:16,754 --> 00:09:19,314 - Wanted you to know I was here. - I know you're here. 133 00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:23,190 The neighborhood knows. You'd think you were picking up your date. 134 00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:26,253 And will you stop with the dusting? I'm in a hurry today! 135 00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:27,729 Yes, boss. 136 00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:36,906 Charlie, get off your bicycle, and put that paper on the porch. 137 00:09:36,974 --> 00:09:40,842 I'm just sick and tired of digging it out of the bushes every day. 138 00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:48,410 Careless, incompetent kids, 139 00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:50,647 grow up that way, then come to the networks. 140 00:09:50,721 --> 00:09:52,712 No wonder we're having these problems. 141 00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:55,384 Say, boss, would you ask Wilma to move her car? 142 00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:57,450 No, Wilma can't move her car! 143 00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:59,587 You've got a reverse gear in this thing. 144 00:09:59,664 --> 00:10:01,461 Yeah. 145 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,763 Hey, my bike! 146 00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:16,879 - My bike! My brand-new bike! - Now look what you've done. 147 00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:19,041 Yeah, careless, incompetent kids? 148 00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:22,381 Not him. You! Well, don't worry about the bike... 149 00:10:22,453 --> 00:10:23,943 But the papers. 150 00:10:24,021 --> 00:10:25,989 If I don't deliver them, 151 00:10:26,057 --> 00:10:28,855 I won't win that trip to Catalina. 152 00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:32,595 I've been working all year on that trip to Catalina. 153 00:10:32,663 --> 00:10:36,224 Well, he's been working all year on the... 154 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:39,235 Put the darn papers in the car! 155 00:10:39,303 --> 00:10:44,263 How I ever let myself get saddled with my wife's relatives, I'll never know. 156 00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,584 - Hi, Steve. - Hi, Jen. 157 00:11:01,659 --> 00:11:04,651 I, got something here for Wilbanks. 158 00:11:05,696 --> 00:11:08,631 Steve, you're supposed to deliver the mail, not read it. 159 00:11:08,699 --> 00:11:10,860 - It doesn't hurt anything. - Keep moving. 160 00:11:10,935 --> 00:11:13,062 Mr. Wilbanks should be here any second. 161 00:11:13,137 --> 00:11:16,072 You know how upset he gets when he sees you hanging around. 162 00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:17,437 He's not in yet? 163 00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:19,999 I can't say I blame him after that show last night. 164 00:11:20,077 --> 00:11:22,773 Steve, please just forget about last night's show. 165 00:11:22,847 --> 00:11:26,715 Okay. I've seen disasters in my time, but that one really takes the cake. 166 00:11:28,552 --> 00:11:30,383 - Good morning. - Good morning. 167 00:11:30,454 --> 00:11:32,285 - Did you happen to get my note? - Yes. 168 00:11:32,356 --> 00:11:35,450 Every time I put my hand in my pocket, I got your note. 169 00:11:35,526 --> 00:11:39,519 Now you listen to me, Steven. I'm not interested in your theories on ratings. 170 00:11:39,597 --> 00:11:42,395 And I'm certainly not interested in doing a show called 171 00:11:42,466 --> 00:11:46,129 Abraham Lincoln's Doctor's Dog, whatever that is. 172 00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:50,197 What is it? 173 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,742 Well, sir, it's very interesting. 174 00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:55,779 You see, we had a guest speaker from our school last night. 175 00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:58,280 A Mr. E.Z. Potter. You've probably heard of him. 176 00:11:58,349 --> 00:12:00,374 - E.Z. Potter? - Yes. He's from up north. 177 00:12:00,451 --> 00:12:02,316 - Up north? Where up north? - Tulare. 178 00:12:02,386 --> 00:12:04,547 - Tulare? - Yeah. 179 00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:09,116 He's got a surefire approach for making a top-rated TV show. 180 00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:11,388 - He does? - And it's very logical too. 181 00:12:11,462 --> 00:12:14,397 It's been historically proven that the American people 182 00:12:14,465 --> 00:12:17,696 have always preferred stories about, number one, Abe Lincoln, 183 00:12:17,768 --> 00:12:20,896 number two, doctors and number three, dogs. 184 00:12:20,971 --> 00:12:23,940 So the most popular and highest rated show of all, 185 00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:26,670 would be a show about Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog. 186 00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:30,508 And that is the kind of a show 187 00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:33,573 your TV friend from Tulare wants me to make? 188 00:12:33,651 --> 00:12:36,245 Well, actually, he's not in TV, sir. He's in radio. 189 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,685 - Radio? - Yes. 190 00:12:37,755 --> 00:12:40,849 - They don't have a TV station up there. - They don't? 191 00:12:40,925 --> 00:12:43,826 Abraham Lincoln's doctor's dog? 192 00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:45,384 - Yeah. - Title's kinda long, 193 00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,987 but it sounds like a good idea. 194 00:12:47,064 --> 00:12:50,056 Wait in the car. 195 00:12:53,237 --> 00:12:55,728 Now you listen to me, Post. You get this straight. 196 00:12:55,806 --> 00:12:57,831 Your job here is to deliver the mail. 197 00:12:57,908 --> 00:13:00,570 And that is all you are to do is to deliver the mail. 198 00:13:00,644 --> 00:13:02,839 I am not interested in your quacky theories 199 00:13:02,913 --> 00:13:06,747 that come from your quacky teachers that teach in your quacky night school. 200 00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:10,150 Yes, sir. But actually, in this case, it wasn't a teacher. 201 00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:14,487 I know what he was! He was a radio man from Tulare! 202 00:13:15,326 --> 00:13:17,294 Anything important, Jen? 203 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:20,558 Yes, sir. Mr. Crampton called from New York. 204 00:13:20,631 --> 00:13:22,861 He did? Well, why didn't you tell me that? 205 00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:26,300 When the president of the network calls, don't let me stand around 206 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:29,066 talking about Abraham Lincoln's dog's doctor. 207 00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:32,507 Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog, sir. There's a difference. 208 00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:35,602 I don't care what it is. How long ago did he call? 209 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,442 - About an hour ago. - An hour? 210 00:13:37,515 --> 00:13:39,176 You should've called me at home. 211 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,013 Well, I did, but you weren't there. 212 00:13:41,085 --> 00:13:43,519 Your wife said you were out on some deliveries. 213 00:13:43,587 --> 00:13:46,522 Yeah... deliveries, yeah. Well, get him on the phone. 214 00:13:46,590 --> 00:13:48,922 He said it wouldn't be necessary to call back. 215 00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:51,257 Just pick him up at the airport next Tuesday. 216 00:13:51,328 --> 00:13:55,355 He didn't want to talk to me? Did he see the ratings? 217 00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:57,697 I imagine he had, because he asked if you had. 218 00:13:57,768 --> 00:14:01,499 - He did? Where are they? - No, they're in the other pile. 219 00:14:01,572 --> 00:14:04,040 Why didn't you say so? I'm under pressure. 220 00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:11,239 - Well, he's sure in a bad mood. - Steve! 221 00:14:11,315 --> 00:14:15,012 Why did you bring up Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog on a day like this? 222 00:14:15,085 --> 00:14:17,485 - No! - I was just trying to help. 223 00:14:17,555 --> 00:14:19,022 Nothing wrong with that. 224 00:14:19,089 --> 00:14:21,853 These are terrible! These are catastrophic! 225 00:14:21,926 --> 00:14:24,087 - Just relax. You'll be fine. - Sure. 226 00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:27,255 You just got excited. You took too much oxygen in your system. 227 00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:29,060 I had an aunt who had that problem. 228 00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:31,567 Used to help to blow into a paper bag. Ever tried? 229 00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:33,159 I never tried that. Helped? 230 00:14:33,237 --> 00:14:34,898 - She just blew right in... - Yes. 231 00:14:34,972 --> 00:14:37,236 - Don't you have anything to do? - Yes, sir. 232 00:14:37,308 --> 00:14:40,436 - Well, do it! - I'll see you tonight, Jen. 233 00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:44,980 Jen, you know I never interfere in the personal lives of my employees, but... 234 00:14:45,049 --> 00:14:49,418 how can you stand that boy? Blow into a paper bag. 235 00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:53,218 I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of hooked, sir. 236 00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:59,588 There, there, Mama. Everything is gonna be all right. 237 00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:01,893 You'll get over it, Mama. Don't worry. 238 00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:02,966 What's the matter? 239 00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:05,763 We've got to go to San Francisco. 240 00:15:14,578 --> 00:15:17,445 Hi. Hey, what's the matter with the Bernaduccis? 241 00:15:17,515 --> 00:15:19,949 They have to go to San Francisco. 242 00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:23,282 That's what they said. So what's the matter with San Francisco? 243 00:15:23,354 --> 00:15:25,413 Hey, what's everybody sniffling about? 244 00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:28,424 Mr. Bernaducci's been transferred. 245 00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:31,359 With all that fog and dampness, they can't take Raffles. 246 00:15:31,428 --> 00:15:34,488 He gets colds too easily. 247 00:15:34,565 --> 00:15:37,398 And after having him all these years. 248 00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:40,266 Don't take it so hard. What'd they do, stick him in a zoo? 249 00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:44,000 - No. - Did they put him away or something? 250 00:15:44,074 --> 00:15:46,304 No, not that! 251 00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,847 Jen, you didn't take him? 252 00:15:56,287 --> 00:15:58,482 No! 253 00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,615 Well, I couldn't let them put him in a zoo. 254 00:16:00,691 --> 00:16:03,285 I'd have found that real easy to do. 255 00:16:14,338 --> 00:16:17,865 - Do you think he'll be happy here? - I don't know why you're bothering. 256 00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:20,137 He'll be nothing but trouble. 257 00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,734 Steve! 258 00:16:24,682 --> 00:16:26,149 Will you listen to me? 259 00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:29,310 He only had three people in this world up until tonight. 260 00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:31,377 Mr. And Mrs. Bernaducci and me. 261 00:16:31,455 --> 00:16:34,117 Now he only has me and I'm not going to let him down. 262 00:16:34,191 --> 00:16:36,216 You're treating him like a human being. 263 00:16:36,293 --> 00:16:39,956 He's just a hard-to-get-along-with, miserable, spoiled chimp! 264 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:42,897 Seems to me you're the one acting hard to get along with. 265 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,834 I'm sorry. Look, can we just stick him in the bedroom? 266 00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:47,871 I'm not going to do any such thing. 267 00:16:47,938 --> 00:16:51,635 He has been through enough today without locking him in some bedroom. 268 00:16:51,709 --> 00:16:55,304 Now you just go in and watch TV with him while I finish dinner. 269 00:17:18,669 --> 00:17:21,661 - What are you doing to him? - I didn't do anything to him. 270 00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:27,071 He can't see the TV from there. 271 00:17:43,594 --> 00:17:46,529 "Mother Carey's Chickens." 272 00:17:48,532 --> 00:17:51,626 I guess you know, you're witnessing one of the wildest 273 00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:54,432 slam-bang football games played anywhere. 274 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,881 Snapped to Humphrey. He fakes a handoff... 275 00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:13,189 Leave it alone. 276 00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:16,749 What did you do to him now? 277 00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:18,954 Nothing. I didn't do anything to him. 278 00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:23,122 Steve. 279 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,862 You changed the station. You can't do that. 280 00:18:25,936 --> 00:18:27,597 What do you mean, I can't do that? 281 00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,196 If he likes a program and you change it, 282 00:18:30,274 --> 00:18:32,606 he gets all upset. He does it to me all the time. 283 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,144 Well, he's not gonna do it to me. Jen. 284 00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:38,340 Steve, just try and be a little patient, okay? 285 00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:40,542 Patient, my foot. You expect me to sit here 286 00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:44,144 and watch a lousy show called Mother Carey's Chickens? 287 00:18:44,221 --> 00:18:47,679 Well, it's over anyway, so it doesn't make any difference. 288 00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:51,524 It makes a lot of difference. That chimp is spoiled rotten. 289 00:18:51,595 --> 00:18:53,324 He's not spoiled. He's lonely. 290 00:18:53,397 --> 00:18:55,592 Now, let him have his own way tonight, okay? 291 00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:58,464 Steve, would you please pour the wine? Dinner's ready. 292 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,770 Stay tuned to this station for Star Journey 293 00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:08,243 which follows immediately. 294 00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:12,478 Star Journey's coming on. They expect that to rate number one. 295 00:19:12,549 --> 00:19:14,540 Good. I want to see that. 296 00:19:14,618 --> 00:19:19,180 Episode of The Maxwell Family, the program for all ages. 297 00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:23,192 Maxwells. If you think we're gonna watch that soap opera, you're crazy. 298 00:19:26,563 --> 00:19:28,531 - What happened now? - It's that creep. 299 00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,567 He doesn't want to watch Star Journey. 300 00:19:30,634 --> 00:19:33,432 - Steve, he's not a creep. - Well, he sure acts like one. 301 00:19:34,304 --> 00:19:37,296 He did it again. Jen, will you do something? 302 00:19:37,374 --> 00:19:40,275 Steve, just let him have his own way tonight, okay? 303 00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:43,802 You mean we can't watch Star Journey on account of that crummy chimp? 304 00:19:43,881 --> 00:19:46,543 Just tonight. Please? 305 00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:49,279 All right. 306 00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,812 With all the pets in the world, 307 00:19:51,889 --> 00:19:55,882 you gotta end up with a chimp that likes bad TV! 308 00:20:02,699 --> 00:20:06,931 Mother Carey's Chickens and The Maxwell Family? 309 00:20:07,004 --> 00:20:08,631 Well, who would ever figure 310 00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:11,230 that those two shows would end up on top? 311 00:20:11,308 --> 00:20:13,799 Nobody in this town, that's for sure. 312 00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:22,712 - Hi, Rog. - Keep moving. 313 00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:31,923 Mother Carey's Chickens and The Maxwell Family? 314 00:20:45,142 --> 00:20:48,578 - Look, aren't these cute? - Yeah, they're real cute. 315 00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:52,376 - Steve, show some interest. - I said, they're real cute. 316 00:20:53,517 --> 00:20:55,849 I think I'll get them all. 317 00:20:58,989 --> 00:21:00,752 Why don't you guys beat it? 318 00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:03,315 We like the chimp, mister. 319 00:21:31,088 --> 00:21:33,818 Now don't do that. Come on. 320 00:21:35,325 --> 00:21:39,352 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for watching The Fastest Gun. 321 00:21:39,429 --> 00:21:42,193 It is your loyal viewing that has made our program 322 00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:45,360 one of America's top-rated shows. 323 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,638 What are you doing here? 324 00:21:58,715 --> 00:22:01,479 I thought I'd spend a little time with your roommate. 325 00:22:01,551 --> 00:22:04,019 - Well, how'd you get in? - The landlady. 326 00:22:04,087 --> 00:22:07,056 - She's real nice. - She sure is. 327 00:22:12,429 --> 00:22:14,727 - Can you beat that? - Beat what? 328 00:22:14,798 --> 00:22:16,231 Nothing. 329 00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:17,562 - Hey, Jen? - What? 330 00:22:17,634 --> 00:22:21,070 I know we're gonna go out for supper tonight, but let's just skip it. 331 00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:22,969 Well, how come? Why should we? 332 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,531 Well, there's some shows I wanted to see tonight. 333 00:22:25,609 --> 00:22:28,874 We'll call Chicken Lickin', it'll be just as much fun, honest. 334 00:23:34,444 --> 00:23:37,880 Why, that little son of a gun. He picked them all! 335 00:23:37,948 --> 00:23:41,315 7:30 to 12:00. Holy smoke, he knows! 336 00:23:41,385 --> 00:23:42,784 Jen? 337 00:23:42,853 --> 00:23:45,720 - He knows. - Who knows? 338 00:23:45,789 --> 00:23:47,950 Animals. Just like in the westerns. 339 00:23:48,025 --> 00:23:51,688 Nobody sees the rattlesnake because he's hidden behind the sagebrush. 340 00:23:51,762 --> 00:23:55,220 It's the horse who rears and saves the cowboy's life. 341 00:23:55,298 --> 00:23:58,096 - He knows! - I hope so. 342 00:24:00,070 --> 00:24:03,972 You're gonna thank your lucky stars I came along. 343 00:24:04,775 --> 00:24:07,539 You'll kiss the ground I walk on. 344 00:24:09,613 --> 00:24:10,841 I will? 345 00:24:11,515 --> 00:24:15,076 He knows. He knows! 346 00:24:20,390 --> 00:24:22,790 If it happened once, it might be an accident. 347 00:24:22,859 --> 00:24:27,762 But he picks the number one show every single night! He knows! 348 00:24:34,204 --> 00:24:36,934 Hey. He knows. 349 00:24:53,423 --> 00:24:56,517 - I'm gonna be rich. - Well, that's just wonderful. 350 00:24:56,593 --> 00:24:59,790 - Now may I see your driver's license? - Sure. 351 00:25:01,131 --> 00:25:04,623 Thank you. Okay. 352 00:25:15,679 --> 00:25:18,842 You look just like a friend of mine. 353 00:25:29,826 --> 00:25:31,919 - Steve! - For you! 354 00:25:31,995 --> 00:25:34,520 Steve, they're beautiful! 355 00:25:35,198 --> 00:25:37,598 But you really shouldn't have spent the money. 356 00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:40,534 Don't worry. There'll be a lot more where that came from. 357 00:25:40,604 --> 00:25:44,267 You know, it's a funny thing. Everything seems to be going wrong for you. 358 00:25:44,341 --> 00:25:47,071 One day you turn a corner and your whole life changes. 359 00:25:47,144 --> 00:25:49,772 All of a sudden you got the world in your hip pocket. 360 00:25:49,846 --> 00:25:52,713 - It's amazing, isn't it? - Yeah. 361 00:25:55,418 --> 00:25:59,013 Raffles? Hey, where is he, Jen? 362 00:25:59,089 --> 00:26:02,252 - He's with Roger. - Roger? 363 00:26:02,325 --> 00:26:04,316 Yeah, they left about ten minutes ago. 364 00:26:04,394 --> 00:26:05,918 Why? What for? Where'd he go? 365 00:26:05,996 --> 00:26:07,224 They went for a walk. 366 00:26:07,297 --> 00:26:09,026 He went for a walk with that creep? 367 00:26:09,099 --> 00:26:11,499 I told you before, he's not a creep! 368 00:26:11,568 --> 00:26:14,628 How could you do this to me? 369 00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:36,455 - Hi, Rog. - Hi. What are you doing here? 370 00:26:36,526 --> 00:26:38,858 You were taking a walk. I thought I'd join you. 371 00:26:38,929 --> 00:26:42,421 You know, there is something really weird going on here. 372 00:26:42,499 --> 00:26:43,761 What? 373 00:26:43,833 --> 00:26:47,132 I... I think that chimp actually likes TV. 374 00:26:49,272 --> 00:26:50,899 You've gotta be kidding. 375 00:26:50,974 --> 00:26:53,636 No, he actually seems to be entertained. 376 00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:56,577 - Look, he really likes it. - No, no. It's just the lights. 377 00:26:56,646 --> 00:27:00,173 Certain light attracts certain animals. That's a scientific fact. 378 00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:01,911 I never heard that. 379 00:27:01,985 --> 00:27:05,182 You didn't know that? I thought everybody knew that. 380 00:27:05,255 --> 00:27:07,348 I learned that at Moonrise Night School. 381 00:27:07,424 --> 00:27:09,915 On Melrose Avenue? 382 00:27:11,161 --> 00:27:13,152 - What's the matter? - I don't know. 383 00:27:13,230 --> 00:27:15,755 I've never seen him act like this. What did you do? 384 00:27:15,832 --> 00:27:19,427 I didn't do anything to him. Look, he's gone mad! 385 00:27:19,502 --> 00:27:22,096 Well, you must've stepped on his paw or something. 386 00:27:22,172 --> 00:27:24,834 How could I step on his paw from over here? 387 00:27:26,042 --> 00:27:29,136 Good heav... 388 00:27:29,946 --> 00:27:32,847 Excuse me. Here, let me help you. I'm terribly sorry. 389 00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:38,644 Good. We got it. 390 00:27:38,722 --> 00:27:40,815 Come on, fellow. We're all through here. 391 00:27:40,890 --> 00:27:43,484 Vicious little... Keep that ape away from me. 392 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,357 - Come on. Over here. - On the table. 393 00:27:45,428 --> 00:27:48,488 Thank heaven you're here. You can't believe what happened. 394 00:27:48,565 --> 00:27:51,966 - We're not finished yet. - Rog, don't worry about a thing. 395 00:27:52,035 --> 00:27:54,469 We've got the bail. We'll have you out in no time. 396 00:27:54,537 --> 00:27:58,405 How could you let me be associated with a beast like that? He's a monster. 397 00:27:58,475 --> 00:28:02,070 He's not a monster. Something just got into him, that's all. 398 00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:19,590 Maybe he just doesn't like basketball. 399 00:28:19,663 --> 00:28:22,689 He doesn't? I happen to like it very... 400 00:28:24,601 --> 00:28:26,694 That thing's not a monster? 401 00:28:26,770 --> 00:28:29,034 That's gonna cost you 75 bucks. 402 00:28:29,873 --> 00:28:33,036 - For what? That? - Come on, fella. 403 00:28:33,109 --> 00:28:36,010 It's gonna cost at least 75 bucks to get that thing fixed. 404 00:28:36,079 --> 00:28:38,479 Okay. Who do I pay to bail the chimp out? 405 00:28:38,548 --> 00:28:42,882 - We take care of it right here. - Wait a minute. What about me? 406 00:28:42,952 --> 00:28:44,476 Gee, I'm sorry, Rog. 407 00:28:44,554 --> 00:28:47,182 I'm out of money. I gotta get some more. Don't worry. 408 00:28:47,691 --> 00:28:51,684 You're bailing that chimp out and letting me stay here in this dump? 409 00:28:51,761 --> 00:28:53,422 Wait just a minute, mac. 410 00:28:53,496 --> 00:28:56,590 This is a pretty nice place. We happen to like it down here. 411 00:28:56,666 --> 00:28:58,827 Well, you have to. I don't. 412 00:28:59,369 --> 00:29:02,065 Steve, we aren't gonna leave Roger here? 413 00:29:02,138 --> 00:29:05,505 Gee, we've gotta be realistic about this thing, Jen. I mean... 414 00:29:05,575 --> 00:29:08,510 It's Roger or the chimp, and this is no place for a chimp. 415 00:29:08,578 --> 00:29:11,513 Well, it's no place for me, either! 416 00:29:11,581 --> 00:29:13,515 Wave goodbye to Uncle Roger now. 417 00:29:16,686 --> 00:29:18,711 Miserable chimp. 418 00:29:20,156 --> 00:29:22,852 - Poor little guy. - Poor little guy, my foot. 419 00:29:22,926 --> 00:29:25,019 It's back to the Bernaduccis for him. 420 00:29:25,095 --> 00:29:27,120 No, wait a minute. You can't do that. 421 00:29:27,197 --> 00:29:29,028 What are you getting excited about? 422 00:29:29,099 --> 00:29:30,760 - I need him! - You need him? 423 00:29:30,834 --> 00:29:32,825 I mean, I don't need him. 424 00:29:32,902 --> 00:29:35,928 Why would you wanna give a poor little guy like this away? 425 00:29:36,005 --> 00:29:37,404 I mean, that's inhumane! 426 00:29:37,474 --> 00:29:39,840 Inhumane? He's the one that's inhumane. 427 00:29:39,909 --> 00:29:43,003 He's already broken two TV sets and a plate glass window. 428 00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:46,310 Look, Jen, maybe he's trying to get something out of his system. 429 00:29:46,383 --> 00:29:48,442 Just give him a few days. He'll be okay. 430 00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:52,217 Okay, I'll give him till Saturday. 431 00:29:52,288 --> 00:29:55,689 Good. By Saturday, he'll be acting like a different chimp. 432 00:29:55,759 --> 00:29:57,283 I guarantee it. 433 00:30:28,825 --> 00:30:32,488 - I just can't understand it. - Understand what? 434 00:30:32,562 --> 00:30:35,326 Why he'd give me tickets to take you to the ball game. 435 00:30:35,398 --> 00:30:37,662 That's because you don't understand Steve. 436 00:30:37,734 --> 00:30:39,827 He has a lot of nice qualities about him. 437 00:30:40,870 --> 00:30:42,701 Like what? 438 00:30:42,772 --> 00:30:44,501 Well, he's charitable. 439 00:30:44,574 --> 00:30:46,872 He gave you tickets to take me to the game. 440 00:30:46,943 --> 00:30:50,174 Yeah, but I still think there's some motive behind that. 441 00:30:50,246 --> 00:30:53,340 And he's honest. Nobody can say he's not honest. 442 00:30:53,416 --> 00:30:55,680 And as far as being trustworthy, 443 00:30:55,752 --> 00:30:58,516 I don't know anyone I would trust more than Steve. 444 00:30:58,588 --> 00:31:00,579 And he's loyal and brave and... 445 00:31:00,657 --> 00:31:04,457 Jen, will you forget it? You're making him sound like a boy scout. 446 00:31:17,474 --> 00:31:19,965 Come on, Raffles. 447 00:31:51,341 --> 00:31:55,607 You have to believe me. I've got a scientific approach to rating TV shows. 448 00:31:55,678 --> 00:31:59,205 It'll revolutionize this whole industry. We can put UBC right on top. 449 00:31:59,282 --> 00:32:01,113 Jen, I'm going to be very busy today. 450 00:32:01,184 --> 00:32:06,622 Will you see to it that I am not disturbed unless absolutely necessary? 451 00:32:11,060 --> 00:32:14,086 I've got the key to this industry, and he won't listen to me. 452 00:32:14,163 --> 00:32:16,791 Steve, just leave Mr. Wilbanks alone today. 453 00:32:16,866 --> 00:32:18,891 Mr. Crampton's coming in from New York, 454 00:32:18,968 --> 00:32:20,458 and he's nervous as a kitten. 455 00:32:20,537 --> 00:32:22,937 Wait a minute. Crampton's coming in tomorrow? 456 00:32:23,006 --> 00:32:26,373 That's perfect. Look, I won't be able to see you tonight. 457 00:32:26,442 --> 00:32:28,910 I've got some homework I want to do. 458 00:32:42,492 --> 00:32:44,517 The programs of this station... 459 00:32:44,594 --> 00:32:49,190 Okay, 12:30 to 1:00, channel 18. 460 00:32:49,265 --> 00:32:52,200 Okay, that does it. You can go to bed now. 461 00:32:52,268 --> 00:32:53,860 You've had a hard day's work. 462 00:32:53,937 --> 00:32:56,872 And if this doesn't convince them, I don't know what will. 463 00:33:00,743 --> 00:33:02,677 "Dear Mr. Crampton." 464 00:33:02,745 --> 00:33:06,010 As a loyal member of the United Broadcasting Corporation, 465 00:33:06,082 --> 00:33:11,247 I must tell you that I seem to have a strange ability 466 00:33:11,321 --> 00:33:13,221 which enables me to pick the shows 467 00:33:13,289 --> 00:33:16,087 "the American people like best." 468 00:33:26,202 --> 00:33:28,830 Hey, Mertons, the old limo's looking pretty slick. 469 00:33:28,905 --> 00:33:31,840 It better. I have to pick up the big man. 470 00:33:31,908 --> 00:33:34,604 Yeah, I heard about that. Hey, listen. 471 00:33:34,677 --> 00:33:36,804 Would you mind slipping this to Crampton? 472 00:33:36,879 --> 00:33:38,141 No, I can't do that. 473 00:33:38,214 --> 00:33:41,877 If the boss caught me passing your notes to the chief... 474 00:33:41,951 --> 00:33:44,010 Don't worry. I got something big. 475 00:33:44,087 --> 00:33:47,579 It's our chance to put the network on top. I can prove it to Crampton. 476 00:33:47,657 --> 00:33:50,683 Our network on top? 477 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,352 Forget it. 478 00:33:54,364 --> 00:33:57,026 Guess I was mistaken. You're another one of those. 479 00:33:57,100 --> 00:33:58,567 Wait a minute. 480 00:34:00,503 --> 00:34:02,061 Another one of those what? 481 00:34:02,138 --> 00:34:05,039 One of those who has something against young people. 482 00:34:05,108 --> 00:34:07,099 I never said that. 483 00:34:07,176 --> 00:34:09,872 What's wrong with a young man getting ahead, anyway? 484 00:34:09,946 --> 00:34:13,473 I mean, didn't William Pitt become prime minister of England at 24? 485 00:34:13,549 --> 00:34:15,244 What about Alexander Hamilton? 486 00:34:15,318 --> 00:34:18,082 He signed the Declaration of Independence at 19. 487 00:34:18,154 --> 00:34:21,453 Alexander the Great. How old was he when he conquered Macedonia? 488 00:34:22,225 --> 00:34:23,954 - I forget. - And Louis XIV. 489 00:34:24,027 --> 00:34:27,929 The greatest ruler France had. You know, he became king at the age of four. 490 00:34:27,997 --> 00:34:28,997 Four? 491 00:34:29,065 --> 00:34:32,626 There was even a British king who took over when he was nine months old. 492 00:34:32,702 --> 00:34:36,695 I can go through history and show people that became great leaders at early ages. 493 00:34:36,773 --> 00:34:39,640 Yeah, but what's that got to do with... 494 00:34:39,709 --> 00:34:43,145 Here he comes. I know you'll find the time to slip it to Mr. Crampton. 495 00:34:43,212 --> 00:34:45,112 - Morning, Mr. Wilbanks. - Morning. 496 00:34:45,181 --> 00:34:47,081 - Have a nice trip. - Have a nice trip? 497 00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:48,742 I'm only going to the airport. 498 00:34:48,818 --> 00:34:51,480 Well, have a nice trip to the airport. 499 00:34:51,554 --> 00:34:55,456 Something must be wrong, Wilbanks. We're always third in the ratings. 500 00:34:55,525 --> 00:34:59,017 Which would be all right, but there are only three networks! 501 00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:02,963 We come up with loser after loser, disaster after disaster. 502 00:35:03,032 --> 00:35:06,559 But chief, I've been through 47 pilot films this year... 503 00:35:06,636 --> 00:35:09,799 Well, maybe it's your staff. Have you got experienced people? 504 00:35:09,872 --> 00:35:12,102 Well, experience is hard to come by, chief. 505 00:35:12,175 --> 00:35:14,575 All you've got available to you are young kids, 506 00:35:14,644 --> 00:35:17,704 running around, trying to tell you how to run your business. 507 00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:20,510 Speaking of kids telling you how to run your business, 508 00:35:20,583 --> 00:35:22,210 this is for you, Mr. Crampton. 509 00:35:23,820 --> 00:35:25,651 Is that from Steven Post? 510 00:35:25,722 --> 00:35:28,850 Why would you bother the chief with that? 511 00:35:28,925 --> 00:35:31,257 Isn't it bad enough that I'm bothered by him? 512 00:35:31,327 --> 00:35:35,195 He says he's got a foolproof method of determining the top-rated programs. 513 00:35:35,264 --> 00:35:37,425 He's ambitious. 514 00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:39,866 He's rated all of last night's shows. 515 00:35:39,936 --> 00:35:42,928 "Check with the overnight ratings. You'll see I'm right." 516 00:35:43,005 --> 00:35:44,836 Don't pay any attention to that kid. 517 00:35:44,907 --> 00:35:49,003 He'll drive you nuts. He's 21 years old, and thinks he should run the network. 518 00:35:49,078 --> 00:35:51,945 Well, I don't think age has anything to do with it, boss. 519 00:35:52,014 --> 00:35:54,778 - I didn't ask you! - What's wrong with a young man 520 00:35:54,851 --> 00:35:57,046 running the network? Look at William Pitt. 521 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,953 He was only 24, and he was president of England. 522 00:36:00,022 --> 00:36:04,049 And Alexander the Great. How old was he when he conquered Macedonia? 523 00:36:04,127 --> 00:36:06,721 How would I know? Just drive the car. 524 00:36:06,796 --> 00:36:10,254 Look at all them little kids that was kings of different countries. 525 00:36:10,333 --> 00:36:12,927 Like this little kid that was only four years old, 526 00:36:13,002 --> 00:36:16,130 and he was king of France. And there's one kid, 527 00:36:16,205 --> 00:36:19,106 he was the king of England, he was only nine months! 528 00:36:19,175 --> 00:36:24,078 Nine months? A person became king of England at nine months? 529 00:36:24,147 --> 00:36:26,115 I don't remember anything about that. 530 00:36:26,182 --> 00:36:28,047 You don't? 531 00:36:31,020 --> 00:36:34,512 - Tell him to drive the car. - Drive the car. 532 00:36:41,364 --> 00:36:44,094 You rated every show exactly like our rating service. 533 00:36:44,167 --> 00:36:46,067 How'd you do that, young man? 534 00:36:46,135 --> 00:36:48,763 I guess I just have an instinct for what people like. 535 00:36:48,838 --> 00:36:51,466 He's got an instinct for getting people in trouble. 536 00:36:51,541 --> 00:36:52,541 Just a minute. 537 00:36:52,608 --> 00:36:54,599 - You can't listen to punks. - Francis. 538 00:36:56,078 --> 00:36:57,943 Francis! 539 00:36:58,548 --> 00:37:01,608 I'm out here to replace some shows that... 540 00:37:01,684 --> 00:37:03,811 Well, they're not doing too well. 541 00:37:03,886 --> 00:37:06,446 How would you like to look at some new films with me? 542 00:37:06,522 --> 00:37:08,854 - I'd be honored. - That's carrying it too far. 543 00:37:08,925 --> 00:37:11,359 I think I could do a lot better if I took them home. 544 00:37:11,427 --> 00:37:13,987 My powers of concentration are stronger that way. 545 00:37:14,063 --> 00:37:15,997 Never mind. 546 00:37:16,065 --> 00:37:18,693 No film leaves this studio. That's company policy. 547 00:37:18,768 --> 00:37:21,236 He's right. Just be in our viewing room at 6:00. 548 00:37:21,304 --> 00:37:25,673 Francis, we'll see how good the boy really is. 549 00:37:43,826 --> 00:37:46,317 That looks good. It's encouraging. 550 00:37:47,463 --> 00:37:50,489 Yeah, I think we're on the right track. 551 00:37:50,566 --> 00:37:53,296 - What was that? - What? 552 00:37:53,369 --> 00:37:54,734 What was that? 553 00:37:54,804 --> 00:37:57,932 One of our plumbers, sir. He's a terrific little guy. Really. 554 00:37:58,007 --> 00:38:01,340 Shortest plumber I've ever seen. I hope you're paying minimum. 555 00:38:01,410 --> 00:38:03,503 - I don't hire the plumbers. - You coming? 556 00:38:03,579 --> 00:38:06,412 - I'll be right up. - Find out who hires plumbers. 557 00:38:56,032 --> 00:38:58,967 Stan, don't use the mail elevator for a couple of minutes. 558 00:38:59,035 --> 00:39:01,902 - I got some important stuff on it. - Sure, Steve. 559 00:39:16,419 --> 00:39:18,819 Jen! Hi. 560 00:39:18,888 --> 00:39:21,755 What have you been up to? I've been looking for you all day. 561 00:39:21,824 --> 00:39:25,658 Kind of in and out. You know how it is. What's up? 562 00:39:25,728 --> 00:39:29,391 Well, I wanted to talk to you. I'm worried about my chimp. 563 00:39:29,465 --> 00:39:32,332 He's calmed down like you said, but maybe too much. 564 00:39:32,401 --> 00:39:36,132 - What do you mean? - He doesn't seem to be himself. 565 00:39:36,205 --> 00:39:38,605 He has no energy, no spunk, nothing. 566 00:39:38,674 --> 00:39:40,972 He's even stopped watching TV. 567 00:39:41,043 --> 00:39:43,739 He probably got a hold of bad bananas or something. 568 00:39:43,813 --> 00:39:46,247 Bananas? Would they bother a chimp? 569 00:39:46,315 --> 00:39:49,648 Sure. If he got a hold of some bad ones, they would. 570 00:39:56,692 --> 00:39:59,388 Steve, what's the matter with you? You seem nervous. 571 00:39:59,462 --> 00:40:01,692 I gotta go to that screening. 572 00:40:01,764 --> 00:40:03,732 You know, big shots and everything. 573 00:40:03,799 --> 00:40:06,632 It's already started. What are you standing here for? 574 00:40:06,702 --> 00:40:09,865 I was just waiting for some mail to come up. 575 00:40:09,939 --> 00:40:12,066 Then you have to push the button. 576 00:40:14,377 --> 00:40:17,642 Yeah. I was just thinking about doing that. 577 00:40:20,950 --> 00:40:22,349 What is the matter with you? 578 00:40:22,418 --> 00:40:24,648 You act like you're trying to get rid of me. 579 00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:28,247 Jen, you know I'd never do a thing like that. 580 00:40:30,493 --> 00:40:32,620 If you want a ride home, you better come on. 581 00:40:32,695 --> 00:40:34,356 Okay. 582 00:40:36,732 --> 00:40:40,793 You know, Steve, sometimes you act really weird. 583 00:40:42,405 --> 00:40:45,704 I'll see you later, Jen. 584 00:41:08,164 --> 00:41:10,792 Is that you, Post? 585 00:41:10,866 --> 00:41:12,527 Yes, sir. Sorry I'm late. 586 00:41:12,601 --> 00:41:14,535 Yes. Well, we're showing a few scenes 587 00:41:14,603 --> 00:41:16,434 from The Happy Harringtons first. 588 00:41:16,505 --> 00:41:19,303 We're confident it's our strongest replacement show. 589 00:41:19,375 --> 00:41:21,343 But feel free to have your own opinion. 590 00:41:21,410 --> 00:41:22,843 Thank you, sir. 591 00:41:29,418 --> 00:41:31,978 - What was that? - I didn't say anything. 592 00:41:32,054 --> 00:41:33,988 I get asthma every once in a while. 593 00:41:34,056 --> 00:41:37,617 You better have that checked. That's the worst I've heard. 594 00:41:40,262 --> 00:41:43,561 Post, if you don't like the show, just say so! 595 00:41:43,632 --> 00:41:45,463 I'm sorry, sir. 596 00:41:45,534 --> 00:41:48,230 I, I think I'll get my asthma spray. 597 00:41:48,304 --> 00:41:50,534 I keep it in the projection booth. 598 00:41:50,606 --> 00:41:54,201 Why would he keep his asthma spray in the projection booth? 599 00:41:54,276 --> 00:41:58,610 - Well, he... I don't know. - You don't know. 600 00:41:58,681 --> 00:42:01,206 Can you ever answer anything but "I don't know"? 601 00:42:01,283 --> 00:42:02,443 - Stevie. - Hi, Tom. 602 00:42:02,518 --> 00:42:04,782 What do you got, a replacement for Wilbanks? 603 00:42:04,854 --> 00:42:07,118 No, he's a pet. I'm watching him for a friend. 604 00:42:07,189 --> 00:42:08,656 Hey, he's really great. 605 00:42:08,724 --> 00:42:11,215 I gotta go back. How about him watching from here? 606 00:42:11,293 --> 00:42:13,227 - He won't be any problem. - Sure. 607 00:42:13,295 --> 00:42:16,958 I'm glad to have someone to talk to. It gets lonely in here by yourself. 608 00:42:18,634 --> 00:42:21,432 Now, don't let me down. Thanks a lot, Tom. 609 00:42:21,504 --> 00:42:23,631 Sure, Steve. 610 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,005 UBC proudly presents... 611 00:42:36,819 --> 00:42:39,515 Devil Dan! 612 00:42:41,157 --> 00:42:44,320 Dumb kid. I told him to save this for the last, chief. 613 00:42:44,393 --> 00:42:46,588 I'm sorry about this. Save it! 614 00:42:46,662 --> 00:42:49,893 I know it isn't much, but we have to look at them all. 615 00:42:49,965 --> 00:42:51,432 Don't save it! 616 00:42:56,272 --> 00:42:58,433 Devil Dan? Audience appeal? 617 00:42:58,507 --> 00:43:00,907 - You've gotta be kidding. - Not at all. 618 00:43:00,976 --> 00:43:03,604 Devil Dan would start this network to the top. 619 00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:06,045 Yes, well, my boy, I think we at the network 620 00:43:06,115 --> 00:43:08,310 have our fingers on the pulse of the public, 621 00:43:08,384 --> 00:43:10,284 and it reads Happy Harringtons to us. 622 00:43:10,352 --> 00:43:14,982 But sir, people just won't buy that stuff anymore. That show is a dog. 623 00:43:15,057 --> 00:43:17,651 Well, yes, we do appreciate your suggestion. 624 00:43:17,726 --> 00:43:21,059 If we ever need you again, we'll be sure and get in touch. 625 00:43:22,765 --> 00:43:26,633 - Ruthless, bald audacity. - That's what I'm trying to tell you. 626 00:43:26,702 --> 00:43:28,932 That boy is blind to everything human... 627 00:43:29,004 --> 00:43:30,904 Figure a way to quietly get rid of him. 628 00:43:30,973 --> 00:43:32,065 I can handle that. 629 00:43:32,141 --> 00:43:36,077 I'm going east, I'll take care of things there. Get hold of publicity. 630 00:43:36,145 --> 00:43:39,308 The Happy Harringtons are replacing Riot Squadron Saturday. 631 00:43:39,381 --> 00:43:41,246 Tell them we want a big splurge on it. 632 00:43:41,317 --> 00:43:44,013 Right, chief. I'll take care of it on this end. Right. 633 00:43:44,086 --> 00:43:46,554 They just won't listen. Nobody will listen. 634 00:43:46,622 --> 00:43:49,147 They were nice enough to ask you to see the film. 635 00:43:49,225 --> 00:43:51,693 You gave them your opinion, they didn't like it. 636 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,228 - You can't blame them. - But they're wrong, Jen. 637 00:43:54,296 --> 00:43:56,389 Well, how do you know they're wrong? 638 00:43:56,465 --> 00:44:00,265 I just know it. I really know it! 639 00:44:01,403 --> 00:44:03,735 And I know of a way to make them listen too. 640 00:45:00,663 --> 00:45:03,325 Can I have your attention? Your attention. 641 00:45:03,399 --> 00:45:06,334 Thank you. I want you all to make yourselves comfortable, 642 00:45:06,402 --> 00:45:08,370 and I want you to enjoy yourselves. 643 00:45:08,437 --> 00:45:12,737 But I would suggest that you hold your applause until after the show. 644 00:45:12,808 --> 00:45:15,368 That way you won't miss any of the jokes. 645 00:45:25,788 --> 00:45:30,122 Ladies and gentlemen, stay tuned for UBC's hilarious new show, 646 00:45:30,192 --> 00:45:33,821 The Happy Harringtons! 647 00:45:33,896 --> 00:45:36,456 UBC proudly presents... 648 00:45:39,335 --> 00:45:41,394 Devil Dan! 649 00:45:41,470 --> 00:45:44,030 - Devil Dan? - How did that happen? 650 00:45:44,106 --> 00:45:47,633 What's going on here? In all my years, I've never seen this happen. 651 00:45:47,710 --> 00:45:49,905 It's those boobs in the transmitting room. 652 00:45:49,978 --> 00:45:52,776 I'll get to the bottom of this if I have to fire every one. 653 00:45:52,848 --> 00:45:54,315 Get me a phone. 654 00:45:54,383 --> 00:45:57,147 There's no sense in calling anyone. 655 00:45:57,219 --> 00:45:59,244 You see, I changed the program. 656 00:45:59,321 --> 00:46:01,221 You? 657 00:46:01,290 --> 00:46:04,157 Yes, sir. I know it may seem a little upsetting right now, 658 00:46:04,226 --> 00:46:07,923 but believe me, it's in the best interest of the company. 659 00:46:07,996 --> 00:46:12,365 Do you realize that you have altered the will of a network? 660 00:46:12,434 --> 00:46:15,870 And I, I suppose you want me to resign? 661 00:46:15,938 --> 00:46:18,031 No. You're fired. 662 00:46:23,779 --> 00:46:25,872 Mr. Wilbanks, New York on the phone. 663 00:46:25,948 --> 00:46:29,145 That's Crampton! What am I going to tell Crampton? 664 00:46:34,523 --> 00:46:37,720 - Steve. - Hey, look, Jen, don't worry. 665 00:46:37,793 --> 00:46:40,091 Everything's gonna be okay, really. 666 00:46:45,467 --> 00:46:48,368 Big dummy. 667 00:46:48,437 --> 00:46:50,701 You see? That's what happens 668 00:46:50,773 --> 00:46:52,900 when you have a Moonrise Night School man 669 00:46:52,975 --> 00:46:55,569 in the network business. 670 00:46:55,644 --> 00:46:57,874 Why don't you shut up? 671 00:47:18,033 --> 00:47:19,660 - Hi. - Hi. 672 00:47:19,735 --> 00:47:22,363 - Where are you going? - I guess I'll get a hamburger. 673 00:47:22,438 --> 00:47:24,565 Well, I'm kinda hungry too. 674 00:47:25,307 --> 00:47:27,867 Look, Jen, maybe you'd better go back inside. 675 00:47:27,943 --> 00:47:29,501 I mean, 676 00:47:29,578 --> 00:47:32,706 I'm not really the most popular guy in the world right now. 677 00:47:48,564 --> 00:47:51,761 You really want a hamburger? 678 00:47:51,834 --> 00:47:53,961 You look kinda funny riding back there. 679 00:47:54,036 --> 00:47:57,437 Who said I was afraid of looking funny? 680 00:48:13,622 --> 00:48:15,351 Holy mackerel! 681 00:48:15,757 --> 00:48:18,749 Good morning, Mr. Wilbanks! 682 00:48:22,064 --> 00:48:25,727 Mr. Wilbanks! Say, that was really something. 683 00:48:25,801 --> 00:48:28,770 A real touch of genius. Congratulations. 684 00:48:29,638 --> 00:48:31,196 Thank you. 685 00:48:33,041 --> 00:48:34,406 - Good morning. - Morning. 686 00:48:34,476 --> 00:48:35,909 Hey, that was terrific. 687 00:48:35,978 --> 00:48:39,141 How'd you come up with something like that? Congratulations. 688 00:48:39,214 --> 00:48:41,307 I beg your pardon? 689 00:48:43,485 --> 00:48:47,182 Very clever, Wilbanks. Congratulations. 690 00:48:47,256 --> 00:48:49,952 Thank you. Thank you. 691 00:48:50,025 --> 00:48:52,687 - Just a minute. - Can you tell me what all... 692 00:48:52,761 --> 00:48:55,696 - Mr. Wilbanks, New York. - Hello? 693 00:48:55,764 --> 00:48:59,325 What time do you get to work? I've spent half the day trying to reach you. 694 00:48:59,401 --> 00:49:02,029 You see, there's a three hour time difference, 695 00:49:02,104 --> 00:49:05,733 and where it's 12:00 noon in New York, out here it's only... 696 00:49:05,807 --> 00:49:08,935 Don't tell me what time it is in New York. Get him! 697 00:49:09,011 --> 00:49:11,571 - Who? - Who? 698 00:49:11,647 --> 00:49:13,706 Haven't you read the trade papers yet? 699 00:49:13,782 --> 00:49:16,216 Trade papers? 700 00:49:19,054 --> 00:49:22,023 - Wilbanks? - No! How... 701 00:49:22,090 --> 00:49:25,719 - Wilbanks, are you there? - Yes, I'm... I'm here. 702 00:49:25,794 --> 00:49:27,921 Well, listen, sign him to a contract. 703 00:49:27,996 --> 00:49:30,624 We don't want anyone stealing him from us. 704 00:49:30,699 --> 00:49:33,224 But, chief, I fired him. 705 00:49:33,302 --> 00:49:36,100 - You what? - Well, don't you remember? 706 00:49:36,171 --> 00:49:38,696 I told you on the phone, and you told me... 707 00:49:38,774 --> 00:49:40,901 Don't tell me what I told you. 708 00:49:40,976 --> 00:49:44,104 I know what I told you. Just get that boy back. 709 00:49:44,913 --> 00:49:47,245 He's a genius! 710 00:49:47,316 --> 00:49:49,284 I'll certainly do my best, chief, 711 00:49:49,351 --> 00:49:50,750 but I don't know whether... 712 00:49:50,819 --> 00:49:52,548 Of course you don't know whether. 713 00:49:52,621 --> 00:49:55,647 I'll be out tomorrow. Have that boy in your office at 1:00. 714 00:49:55,724 --> 00:49:57,157 And have the press there. 715 00:49:57,225 --> 00:49:59,853 From now on, I'll manage this myself! 716 00:49:59,928 --> 00:50:02,829 On behalf of the board of directors of this network, 717 00:50:02,898 --> 00:50:06,698 I take great pleasure in the following announcement. 718 00:50:06,768 --> 00:50:09,931 Steven Post has been made our new program director. 719 00:50:10,005 --> 00:50:13,736 - A boy that age, program director? - What's the matter with a boy that age? 720 00:50:13,809 --> 00:50:15,003 Look at William Pitt. 721 00:50:15,077 --> 00:50:17,739 He was prime minister of England when he was only 24. 722 00:50:17,813 --> 00:50:22,147 And Alexander the Great? How old was he when he conquered Macedonia? 723 00:50:22,217 --> 00:50:24,242 No, we here at the network 724 00:50:24,319 --> 00:50:28,153 are convinced that Steven Post is a young man of unique talent, 725 00:50:28,223 --> 00:50:30,714 well-qualified to join the executive team 726 00:50:30,792 --> 00:50:33,818 that will lead UBC to the very top. 727 00:50:33,895 --> 00:50:36,022 If the kid's going to be program director, 728 00:50:36,098 --> 00:50:37,963 what's going to happen to Wilbanks? 729 00:50:38,033 --> 00:50:41,594 We haven't forgotten Mr. Wilbanks. He's moved on too. 730 00:50:41,670 --> 00:50:46,369 He'll be vice president in charge of cultural relations. 731 00:50:46,441 --> 00:50:49,137 - What's that? - We'll let Wilbanks explain. 732 00:50:49,211 --> 00:50:52,874 - What is it, Mr. Wilbanks? - That's very... 733 00:50:52,948 --> 00:50:57,817 You see, whenever we have the... I don't know what it is. 734 00:51:01,890 --> 00:51:04,757 Steve, it's so wonderful. 735 00:51:05,327 --> 00:51:09,821 Yeah. Yeah, well... 736 00:51:09,898 --> 00:51:12,093 Mr. Crampton thought I ought to have a place 737 00:51:12,167 --> 00:51:14,431 where I can kinda, entertain and stuff. 738 00:51:14,503 --> 00:51:16,733 On account of my new job, you know? 739 00:51:16,805 --> 00:51:18,898 Steve, I'm so happy for you. 740 00:51:18,974 --> 00:51:21,943 You should be so proud of yourself. 741 00:51:22,010 --> 00:51:24,444 And just think, you did it all on your own. 742 00:51:24,513 --> 00:51:26,879 Yeah. 743 00:51:39,661 --> 00:51:41,526 Hey! 744 00:51:45,133 --> 00:51:48,625 Come on, sweetheart. Thattaboy. Come on, baby. 745 00:51:48,704 --> 00:51:51,468 Thattaboy. There you go. 746 00:51:51,540 --> 00:51:54,566 Yeah, I love you too. Watch the movie. 747 00:52:00,515 --> 00:52:02,005 How about this one, Post? 748 00:52:02,084 --> 00:52:04,109 - I don't know yet. - He doesn't know yet. 749 00:52:04,186 --> 00:52:06,677 No, he wants to run it. 750 00:52:17,566 --> 00:52:19,500 - It's good. - Another winner. 751 00:52:19,568 --> 00:52:21,593 Yeah, yeah, he likes it. 752 00:52:21,670 --> 00:52:23,604 Yeah. 753 00:52:48,697 --> 00:52:51,029 Congratulations, Steve. 754 00:52:52,934 --> 00:52:54,333 On what? 755 00:52:54,402 --> 00:52:57,166 On the award you're gonna win tonight. 756 00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,707 Hey, look, Jen, I haven't won that yet. 757 00:52:59,775 --> 00:53:03,836 Well, you will. If you're not TV man of the year, who is? 758 00:53:03,912 --> 00:53:06,039 Jen... 759 00:53:06,114 --> 00:53:10,016 When are you gonna tell me about those locks? 760 00:53:10,085 --> 00:53:12,986 There? 761 00:53:13,054 --> 00:53:14,885 I can't. 762 00:53:14,956 --> 00:53:17,322 Well, you see, it's kinda like my war room. 763 00:53:17,392 --> 00:53:19,223 It's where I make all my decisions. 764 00:53:19,294 --> 00:53:21,558 It's... It's very private. 765 00:53:23,765 --> 00:53:26,256 Well, do I ever get to see? 766 00:53:28,336 --> 00:53:29,963 Yeah, I'll show you sometime. 767 00:53:31,206 --> 00:53:34,505 - Steve, what's the matter? - Nothing. 768 00:53:34,576 --> 00:53:37,602 - I was just thinking. - About what? 769 00:53:38,613 --> 00:53:41,047 It's a lot of stuff you wouldn't understand. 770 00:53:41,116 --> 00:53:43,277 I might. 771 00:53:43,785 --> 00:53:47,152 Well, I was thinking about people. 772 00:53:47,222 --> 00:53:49,918 People like Vasco da Gama. 773 00:53:49,991 --> 00:53:51,959 - Like who? - Yeah, he was a discoverer. 774 00:53:52,027 --> 00:53:54,518 - He discovered the West Indies. - I know, but... 775 00:53:54,596 --> 00:53:57,588 Isn't it just as good to discover something as invent it? 776 00:53:57,666 --> 00:53:59,065 - I guess. - Where would we be 777 00:53:59,134 --> 00:54:01,295 if people didn't discover things? 778 00:54:01,369 --> 00:54:05,703 Just like some great scientist who... Well, maybe he's not so great, 779 00:54:05,774 --> 00:54:08,709 but he discovers a lab assistant who's doing all the work. 780 00:54:08,777 --> 00:54:11,041 But the scientist takes all the credit. Why? 781 00:54:11,112 --> 00:54:13,205 Because he discovered him. 782 00:54:13,281 --> 00:54:15,772 Well, there's nothing wrong with that, is there? 783 00:54:17,085 --> 00:54:19,019 No, I guess not. 784 00:54:20,555 --> 00:54:23,490 Good. That's the way I had it figured. 785 00:54:41,576 --> 00:54:43,771 And now, ladies and gentlemen, 786 00:54:43,845 --> 00:54:46,313 the most coveted prize of all: 787 00:54:46,381 --> 00:54:49,509 TV's "Man of the Year" award. 788 00:54:49,584 --> 00:54:51,518 And the winner is... 789 00:54:56,024 --> 00:54:58,515 Steven Post, Yeah! Yeah! 790 00:54:58,593 --> 00:55:01,528 President of the United Broadcasting Corporation. 791 00:55:01,596 --> 00:55:03,063 President? 792 00:55:04,599 --> 00:55:06,897 Vice president. 793 00:55:18,079 --> 00:55:21,276 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry. 794 00:55:21,349 --> 00:55:25,251 I mean, vice president. But at any rate, 795 00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:29,222 Steven Post is television's man of the year! 796 00:55:53,581 --> 00:55:55,879 And now the key. 797 00:56:03,725 --> 00:56:05,249 Congratulations, Crampton. 798 00:56:05,327 --> 00:56:08,125 - Thank you. Thank you. - You have a fine young man. 799 00:56:08,196 --> 00:56:10,255 Thank you, Clifford. We're proud of him. 800 00:56:10,332 --> 00:56:13,995 You should be. Your sponsors seem to like him. Gave him a nice little car. 801 00:56:14,069 --> 00:56:16,469 Yes, he's a man who's going right to the top. 802 00:56:16,538 --> 00:56:19,166 The very top, indeed. 803 00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:20,832 Francis. 804 00:56:22,510 --> 00:56:24,410 Excuse us, girls. 805 00:56:26,047 --> 00:56:29,414 We gotta do something about that boy. We've built a Frankenstein. 806 00:56:29,484 --> 00:56:32,942 - We have. He's already got my job. - But now it's getting serious. 807 00:56:33,021 --> 00:56:35,615 - Now it's getting serious? - How does the boy do it? 808 00:56:35,690 --> 00:56:36,714 I don't know how. 809 00:56:36,791 --> 00:56:39,385 I just know he's not smart enough to do it on his own. 810 00:56:39,461 --> 00:56:41,861 - What have you done about it? - What should I do? 811 00:56:41,930 --> 00:56:45,058 - I'm in cultural relations. - The basics, man. The basics. 812 00:56:45,133 --> 00:56:47,863 Have you searched his office, grilled his secretary, 813 00:56:47,936 --> 00:56:49,767 tapped his phone, had him followed? 814 00:56:49,838 --> 00:56:52,705 No. Wouldn't that be unethical? 815 00:56:52,774 --> 00:56:54,867 Unethical? Get with it, Wilbanks. 816 00:56:54,943 --> 00:56:57,935 It's a desperate situation. It requires desperate means. 817 00:56:58,013 --> 00:57:00,243 Find out how that boy is doing it! 818 00:57:57,639 --> 00:58:00,301 Hasta la vista, Senor Post. 819 00:58:02,744 --> 00:58:03,972 Hasta, hasta. 820 00:58:34,843 --> 00:58:36,674 Hello in there. 821 00:58:40,849 --> 00:58:43,079 Can you hear me? 822 00:58:45,053 --> 00:58:46,418 Are you a prisoner? 823 00:58:49,090 --> 00:58:52,651 Knock twice if you can hear me. 824 00:58:54,562 --> 00:58:58,054 Thank heaven. 825 00:58:59,033 --> 00:59:02,628 I'm a friend. 826 00:59:02,704 --> 00:59:05,468 I beg your pardon? 827 00:59:05,540 --> 00:59:09,135 He sounds gagged! That dirty, ruthless... 828 00:59:13,381 --> 00:59:15,246 Hey, I'm back! 829 00:59:23,925 --> 00:59:27,292 Okay, okay! 830 00:59:29,397 --> 00:59:31,888 Okay! Don't go wild! 831 00:59:36,237 --> 00:59:37,397 Hey, take it easy. 832 00:59:43,278 --> 00:59:44,939 Wait a minute. Not the ballet. 833 00:59:45,013 --> 00:59:47,675 That'll wreck your taste for sure. 834 00:59:47,749 --> 00:59:50,547 You're supposed to pick the top-rated shows. 835 00:59:50,618 --> 00:59:53,485 You got that finger of yours on the heartbeat of America. 836 00:59:53,555 --> 00:59:55,182 Don't louse it up! 837 00:59:57,358 --> 01:00:00,759 I'll put on some coffee, then we'll take a look at those new pilots. 838 01:00:02,397 --> 01:00:05,093 You want some pizza tonight? I got two kinds. 839 01:00:05,166 --> 01:00:07,896 Plain and with pepperoni. You want the pepperoni? 840 01:00:07,969 --> 01:00:11,405 Okay, you get the plain one. 841 01:00:28,957 --> 01:00:31,118 Okay, it's ready! 842 01:00:58,453 --> 01:01:00,853 All right. Showtime. 843 01:01:09,731 --> 01:01:13,633 Now, one of these days, I'm gonna show you how to thread this thing. 844 01:01:13,701 --> 01:01:16,135 I keep forgetting that. 845 01:01:18,740 --> 01:01:22,403 It'd sure be great if you could pick another Devil Dan. 846 01:01:57,578 --> 01:02:00,206 Who was in the room? That's what I wanna know. 847 01:02:00,281 --> 01:02:02,078 Well, first of all, 848 01:02:02,150 --> 01:02:05,142 there were three television sets in front of three chairs. 849 01:02:05,219 --> 01:02:09,178 - Three sets? - Yeah, and a projector and a screen. 850 01:02:09,257 --> 01:02:12,249 Then there was this tree with a whole bunch of bananas on it. 851 01:02:12,327 --> 01:02:14,295 Bananas? Ba... That could be it. 852 01:02:14,362 --> 01:02:17,729 - Bananas could be brain food. - Yeah. They are. 853 01:02:17,799 --> 01:02:20,290 Jen, get me Dr. Schmidt in Research on the phone. 854 01:02:20,368 --> 01:02:22,802 - I'm sure he's gone home. - I know he's gone home. 855 01:02:22,870 --> 01:02:24,997 Get him on the phone. He's probably got... 856 01:02:25,073 --> 01:02:27,041 - What is it, Roger? - It's not bananas. 857 01:02:27,108 --> 01:02:29,599 It's that phantom roommate he keeps locked up. 858 01:02:29,677 --> 01:02:32,339 I looked everywhere, but I couldn't see him. 859 01:02:32,413 --> 01:02:34,540 They were talking, but I couldn't see him. 860 01:02:34,615 --> 01:02:37,812 Well, let's get down to basics. Tell me what you did see, 861 01:02:37,885 --> 01:02:40,683 and don't tell me about the thing around your leg again. 862 01:02:40,755 --> 01:02:42,950 It was weird. 863 01:02:43,024 --> 01:02:45,822 Whoever it was was wearing a little red cap 864 01:02:45,893 --> 01:02:47,451 with a blue bon-bon on the top. 865 01:02:47,528 --> 01:02:51,294 - It was just gliding along. - Hello? Hello? 866 01:02:51,366 --> 01:02:54,233 There were empty banana skins everywhere. 867 01:02:54,302 --> 01:02:59,035 And then, this hairy arm grabbed me right in the closet. 868 01:02:59,107 --> 01:03:02,702 It was hideous. There was no head, no body, no feet. 869 01:03:02,777 --> 01:03:05,268 - Hello? - Just a hairy arm. 870 01:03:05,346 --> 01:03:08,213 Jen, what are you doing? 871 01:03:08,282 --> 01:03:11,513 - Excuse me. - Dr. Schmidt, Francis Wilbanks. 872 01:03:11,586 --> 01:03:15,283 Tell me, doctor, are bananas brain food? 873 01:03:15,356 --> 01:03:19,759 Bananas? Brain food? Well, I couldn't say for sure, 874 01:03:19,827 --> 01:03:23,854 but I do recall a certain tribe in New Guinea who subscribed to the theory 875 01:03:23,931 --> 01:03:26,195 that bananas were indeed, a brain food. 876 01:03:34,442 --> 01:03:36,706 - Hi, Jen. - Hello, Vasco da Gama. 877 01:03:36,778 --> 01:03:38,109 - What? - You know. 878 01:03:38,179 --> 01:03:40,511 He was the one who discovered the West Indies. 879 01:03:40,581 --> 01:03:44,677 He was a discoverer. Discoverers are just as important as inventors. 880 01:03:44,752 --> 01:03:48,381 Like the mad scientist who keeps his assistant locked in the basement. 881 01:03:48,456 --> 01:03:50,515 I didn't say anything about a scientist. 882 01:03:50,591 --> 01:03:52,525 - I want my chimp. - What? 883 01:03:52,593 --> 01:03:54,788 I know, Steve. 884 01:03:54,862 --> 01:03:57,456 They never listened to me, Jen. 885 01:03:57,532 --> 01:03:59,659 They wouldn't have for a million years! 886 01:03:59,734 --> 01:04:01,292 Steve, open this door. 887 01:04:01,369 --> 01:04:03,564 I didn't even have a car. I had a motorcycle. 888 01:04:03,638 --> 01:04:07,938 Now I got a DeTomaso Mangusta. A brand-new DeTomaso Mangusta. 889 01:04:08,009 --> 01:04:10,842 I mean it, Steve. Now, you open that door! 890 01:04:12,346 --> 01:04:15,406 Look, Jen. 891 01:04:16,451 --> 01:04:18,510 I did it for you. 892 01:04:18,586 --> 01:04:23,387 I mean, why would you ever want to marry a mail boy? 893 01:04:23,458 --> 01:04:27,326 I kidded myself, but that's all I knew I'd ever be. 894 01:04:32,867 --> 01:04:35,062 You never said you wanted to marry me. 895 01:04:35,136 --> 01:04:37,229 Well... 896 01:04:37,872 --> 01:04:40,136 That's because I was a mail boy. 897 01:04:40,208 --> 01:04:43,644 I mean, I didn't even have a car. 898 01:04:43,711 --> 01:04:45,144 Just a motorcycle. 899 01:04:46,714 --> 01:04:50,115 I told you before, there's nothing the matter with a motorcycle. 900 01:04:54,021 --> 01:04:58,151 I guess he recognized your voice. 901 01:05:01,395 --> 01:05:04,228 I'm kinda glad you... you found out. I... 902 01:05:04,298 --> 01:05:07,267 I was trying to figure out a way to tell you. 903 01:05:13,207 --> 01:05:15,437 You see, Jen, it is working. 904 01:05:15,510 --> 01:05:17,978 He is happy. 905 01:05:18,045 --> 01:05:19,979 Look, we could have it all. 906 01:05:20,047 --> 01:05:22,914 I'm not hurting anybody, either. 907 01:05:22,984 --> 01:05:25,316 I guess you've been treating him pretty good. 908 01:05:26,554 --> 01:05:28,385 Why don't... 909 01:05:28,456 --> 01:05:31,186 Why don't we just keep it in the family? 910 01:05:31,259 --> 01:05:33,659 Okay, he can stay. 911 01:05:33,728 --> 01:05:36,162 But remember, I get visitation rights. 912 01:05:37,198 --> 01:05:38,756 Yeah. 913 01:05:41,035 --> 01:05:43,731 Hey, Steve. Hey, you're looking really sharp. 914 01:05:43,804 --> 01:05:45,396 - New job. - Yeah. 915 01:05:45,473 --> 01:05:48,306 What happened to that chimp you used to bring around? 916 01:05:48,376 --> 01:05:49,843 Not so loud. Not around here. 917 01:05:49,911 --> 01:05:53,472 Yeah? I mean, he sure liked Devil Dan, didn't he? 918 01:05:53,548 --> 01:05:56,346 I mean, I've never seen anything like it. He just... 919 01:06:01,656 --> 01:06:04,523 The manager said room 1123 920 01:06:04,592 --> 01:06:07,117 is directly across from Post's apartment. 921 01:06:07,194 --> 01:06:09,389 - Now we'll see. - See what? 922 01:06:09,463 --> 01:06:11,590 I can understand your skepticism, Uncle. 923 01:06:11,666 --> 01:06:13,657 This has been a gigantic puzzle, 924 01:06:13,734 --> 01:06:16,168 but I put the pieces together, and they all fit. 925 01:06:16,237 --> 01:06:18,364 Fit, my foot. This is ridiculous. 926 01:06:22,577 --> 01:06:24,545 I didn't believe a mail boy could do it. 927 01:06:24,612 --> 01:06:26,603 I'm not gonna believe a chimp can do it. 928 01:06:26,681 --> 01:06:29,479 - It's a wild goose chase. - You mean, wild monkey chase. 929 01:06:29,550 --> 01:06:31,609 It's not funny. 930 01:06:31,686 --> 01:06:35,315 - Stop that simple laughing. - Sorry, boss. 931 01:06:41,562 --> 01:06:43,587 I don't like this. I don't like it at all. 932 01:06:43,664 --> 01:06:45,757 There must be something criminal. 933 01:06:45,833 --> 01:06:48,233 Uncle, we're not doing anything criminal. 934 01:06:48,302 --> 01:06:51,237 Then why do I feel like a peeping Tom? 935 01:06:54,976 --> 01:06:57,103 Okay. Look. 936 01:07:06,354 --> 01:07:09,050 Well, so what? It's just that mail boy sitting there 937 01:07:09,123 --> 01:07:11,489 all by himself, looking at TV. 938 01:07:12,727 --> 01:07:15,628 Look. Quick, quick! Look. 939 01:07:21,068 --> 01:07:23,832 Good heavens. 940 01:07:26,474 --> 01:07:30,740 I think we finally may be getting somewhere. 941 01:07:50,097 --> 01:07:52,657 Here! See what I mean? See what I... 942 01:07:55,703 --> 01:07:58,433 Yes, I do. He's watching Smuggler's Gold. 943 01:07:58,506 --> 01:08:00,269 That's the number one-rated show. 944 01:08:00,341 --> 01:08:04,004 That's what I've been trying to tell you. The chimp is picking the shows. 945 01:08:04,078 --> 01:08:08,208 Well, we can't really tell. He might not even know what he's looking at. 946 01:08:08,282 --> 01:08:10,773 A commercial break. 947 01:08:20,294 --> 01:08:22,387 Wilbanks, he knows! 948 01:08:22,463 --> 01:08:27,093 He really knows. He got a beer during the commercial. 949 01:08:28,069 --> 01:08:30,765 Proof positive. 950 01:08:30,838 --> 01:08:34,934 That's a sure sign if I've ever seen one. 951 01:08:37,044 --> 01:08:40,707 Wilbanks, get that chimp. 952 01:09:06,974 --> 01:09:09,033 - What are we doing here? - Just follow me. 953 01:09:09,110 --> 01:09:13,103 I didn't get where I am without planning ahead. Come on. 954 01:09:19,854 --> 01:09:22,721 Hey, boss, don't ya think it'd be better if I stayed here 955 01:09:22,790 --> 01:09:26,089 - and cut people off at the pass? - Cut them off at the pass? 956 01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:28,958 You don't want people bothering you out on the ledge. 957 01:09:29,029 --> 01:09:31,862 Will you stop that silly talk and come on? 958 01:09:31,932 --> 01:09:34,264 But, boss, I... I get sick when I look down. 959 01:09:34,335 --> 01:09:35,461 Well, then look up. 960 01:09:35,536 --> 01:09:37,527 I have the same problem when I look up. 961 01:09:37,605 --> 01:09:40,904 Get prepared to be sick. I can't handle that chimp by myself. 962 01:09:40,975 --> 01:09:41,975 But, boss... 963 01:10:12,306 --> 01:10:14,900 Will you stop that simple wheezing? 964 01:10:14,975 --> 01:10:18,308 I can't help it. This always happens to me at high altitudes. 965 01:10:18,379 --> 01:10:22,110 You're only 200 feet up. Let go of me. 966 01:10:22,183 --> 01:10:24,777 Ohhhhh! 967 01:10:33,994 --> 01:10:36,292 I told you to stay with me. 968 01:11:01,856 --> 01:11:04,222 A-Hello, little fella. 969 01:11:04,291 --> 01:11:06,657 Let's go for a walk? That's a good fella. 970 01:11:06,727 --> 01:11:09,059 That's the worst experience I ever had. 971 01:11:09,129 --> 01:11:11,757 Yeah. The door, the door. Come on. 972 01:11:13,801 --> 01:11:17,032 Boss, the door is locked. 973 01:11:17,104 --> 01:11:19,436 Well, of course it's locked. 974 01:11:19,506 --> 01:11:21,337 You don't expect him to leave it open 975 01:11:21,408 --> 01:11:24,434 with a valuable chimp like that in here, do you? 976 01:11:28,382 --> 01:11:30,407 We're not going out there again, are we? 977 01:11:30,484 --> 01:11:32,247 Why not? The chimp isn't afraid. 978 01:11:32,319 --> 01:11:34,583 He's used to swinging around in high places. 979 01:11:34,655 --> 01:11:36,179 Come on! 980 01:11:43,464 --> 01:11:46,262 No! Now you did it with that wheezing. 981 01:11:46,333 --> 01:11:48,824 - You scared the chimp. - Sorry, boss. 982 01:11:48,903 --> 01:11:51,804 Sorry doesn't feed the bulldog. 983 01:11:52,506 --> 01:11:54,201 Where'd he go? 984 01:12:01,215 --> 01:12:03,911 - There he is. - Where? 985 01:12:05,986 --> 01:12:08,352 Boss, help! 986 01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,861 Stop wheezing! 987 01:12:15,930 --> 01:12:18,728 What are you doing? Wait!! 988 01:12:20,668 --> 01:12:24,536 Help! Not the tie, not the tie! 989 01:12:24,605 --> 01:12:27,904 Get the... Get the... 990 01:12:34,682 --> 01:12:37,674 Just watch it.. 991 01:12:38,986 --> 01:12:41,546 Now, don't touch me. Just don't touch me. 992 01:12:41,622 --> 01:12:43,283 Yes, boss. 993 01:12:45,359 --> 01:12:47,691 I can't understand what happened to your car. 994 01:12:47,761 --> 01:12:49,854 I guess they had to gas it up or something. 995 01:12:49,930 --> 01:12:52,455 - That's okay. I'm in no hurry. - I better check. 996 01:13:02,643 --> 01:13:04,873 How did you get down here? 997 01:13:11,218 --> 01:13:13,448 No. 998 01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,852 What do we do now? 999 01:13:32,172 --> 01:13:34,072 Now don't panic. 1000 01:13:34,141 --> 01:13:36,234 We'll just crawl back in the kid's room. 1001 01:13:36,310 --> 01:13:40,269 He's bound to have a phone and we'll call somebody and have them get us. 1002 01:13:57,297 --> 01:14:00,289 I left that darn window open too far. 1003 01:14:00,367 --> 01:14:02,699 No more open window for you. 1004 01:14:06,173 --> 01:14:07,868 I'll see you later. 1005 01:14:15,582 --> 01:14:17,015 How'd he get back in there? 1006 01:14:17,084 --> 01:14:18,676 How would I know? 1007 01:14:18,752 --> 01:14:20,652 This is locked too. 1008 01:14:20,721 --> 01:14:22,552 What do we do? 1009 01:14:22,623 --> 01:14:24,318 Well, maybe he can unlock it. 1010 01:14:24,391 --> 01:14:26,325 He seems able to do everything else. 1011 01:14:26,393 --> 01:14:28,054 For the last time, 1012 01:14:28,128 --> 01:14:29,789 will you stop that wheezing? 1013 01:14:29,863 --> 01:14:34,095 Little fella? Turn the handle. 1014 01:14:34,168 --> 01:14:36,568 You're gonna love it. That's it. Yes. 1015 01:14:36,637 --> 01:14:39,936 There you go. Yes. Yes. 1016 01:14:41,775 --> 01:14:45,734 - You're not gonna start that? - I can't help it, boss. 1017 01:14:45,813 --> 01:14:47,405 We don't have to stand up again? 1018 01:14:47,481 --> 01:14:49,847 Of course we have to stand up! Get up! Get up! 1019 01:14:49,917 --> 01:14:53,910 Maybe we can attract some attention, help get off of this thing. 1020 01:14:53,987 --> 01:14:57,548 Boss, this is awful. 1021 01:14:57,624 --> 01:15:00,491 Stop hiccupping! First you wheeze and then you hiccup! 1022 01:15:00,561 --> 01:15:02,893 I can't help it. I hiccup when I get nervous. 1023 01:15:04,498 --> 01:15:08,332 Stop it! I can't stand it! Don't you understand that? 1024 01:15:08,402 --> 01:15:11,496 - Just try holding your breath. - That never works with me. 1025 01:15:11,572 --> 01:15:14,507 Maybe if you get me a glass of water. That sometimes helps. 1026 01:15:14,575 --> 01:15:17,408 All right. I'll get... How can I get you a glass of water? 1027 01:15:17,478 --> 01:15:19,207 I can't... 1028 01:15:19,279 --> 01:15:22,077 Come on! Glass of water. 1029 01:15:28,622 --> 01:15:31,056 It's an ambulance, police cars. 1030 01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:34,026 Well, you wanted to attract attention. 1031 01:15:39,566 --> 01:15:43,002 Here we go again. K-7, this is 10-Sugar-Charlie. 1032 01:15:43,070 --> 01:15:44,765 Come in. 1033 01:15:44,838 --> 01:15:46,601 We're here. The report checks out. 1034 01:15:46,673 --> 01:15:50,006 We got a couple of nuts trying to commit suicide. 1035 01:15:50,077 --> 01:15:52,375 Give me that thing. 1036 01:15:52,446 --> 01:15:56,109 All right, now, just... just take it easy up there. 1037 01:15:56,183 --> 01:16:01,416 Everything's gonna be all right. Above all, don't jump. 1038 01:16:01,488 --> 01:16:04,321 He thinks we're gonna jump. 1039 01:16:04,391 --> 01:16:06,689 No, we're not going to jump! 1040 01:16:09,530 --> 01:16:13,489 Hey, boss, I'm losing my buttons. 1041 01:16:34,788 --> 01:16:36,312 We almost lost one that time. 1042 01:16:36,390 --> 01:16:39,188 This is gonna be a tough one, Vince. 1043 01:16:39,259 --> 01:16:42,319 Here, take this outta the way. Take it over to the truck. 1044 01:16:43,263 --> 01:16:45,697 Bring them in. Bring them on in. 1045 01:16:52,739 --> 01:16:55,936 Hey, the fire engines are stopping here. 1046 01:16:56,009 --> 01:16:57,533 Do you smell smoke? 1047 01:16:57,611 --> 01:17:00,671 No, I don't smell smoke. The building isn't on fire. 1048 01:17:00,747 --> 01:17:03,045 Stop the wheezing, will you? 1049 01:17:03,116 --> 01:17:07,450 Please stop! First you wheeze, then hiccup, then wheeze again! 1050 01:17:07,521 --> 01:17:10,081 You're enough to drive anybody nuts! 1051 01:17:10,157 --> 01:17:12,125 - I am, am I? - Yes! 1052 01:17:12,192 --> 01:17:14,592 Well, you're my boss. 1053 01:17:14,661 --> 01:17:16,526 Maybe I shouldn't say this, 1054 01:17:16,597 --> 01:17:19,794 but you've been complaining ever since we've been up here. 1055 01:17:19,866 --> 01:17:22,130 If you don't like the way I wheeze and hiccup, 1056 01:17:22,202 --> 01:17:24,693 why don't you go find your own ledge to stand on? 1057 01:17:24,771 --> 01:17:26,966 What? 1058 01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,477 Maybe they're coming to rescue us. 1059 01:17:35,549 --> 01:17:38,985 They're not coming to rescue us. That's our news helicopter. 1060 01:17:39,052 --> 01:17:41,111 Our own network is taking pictures of us? 1061 01:17:41,188 --> 01:17:43,179 That's exactly what I mean. 1062 01:17:43,257 --> 01:17:46,522 We interrupt to bring you a newscast of a suicide try 1063 01:17:46,593 --> 01:17:49,721 on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. 1064 01:17:49,796 --> 01:17:53,232 Isn't it sad how many nuts are running around loose today? 1065 01:17:53,300 --> 01:17:55,165 It certainly is, sweetheart. 1066 01:17:55,235 --> 01:17:58,227 Our special UBC helicopter enables us to bring you 1067 01:17:58,305 --> 01:18:01,365 an exclusive close-up view of the pair attempting suicide. 1068 01:18:01,441 --> 01:18:03,500 These pictures, live from the scene. 1069 01:18:03,577 --> 01:18:06,512 There you are. Another first for UBC. 1070 01:18:10,250 --> 01:18:12,480 No! 1071 01:18:18,358 --> 01:18:21,225 Now I've had experience of this type of thing before. 1072 01:18:21,295 --> 01:18:23,661 Anything can make them panicky and jump. 1073 01:18:23,730 --> 01:18:25,960 May I have the mike, please? 1074 01:18:26,033 --> 01:18:27,898 Now, gentlemen, remain calm. 1075 01:18:27,968 --> 01:18:30,095 No problem can't be solved. 1076 01:18:30,170 --> 01:18:32,604 Will you listen to me, gentlemen, now? I repeat: 1077 01:18:32,673 --> 01:18:35,005 There is no problem that cannot be solved. 1078 01:18:35,075 --> 01:18:37,202 - What'd he say? - I don't know. 1079 01:18:37,277 --> 01:18:39,939 Sounds like some kind of a foreign language. 1080 01:18:41,048 --> 01:18:42,777 Now, it must be very cold up there. 1081 01:18:42,849 --> 01:18:44,908 Why don't you go in and get some coffee? 1082 01:18:44,985 --> 01:18:47,613 It's Father O'Leary from St. Timothy's. 1083 01:18:47,688 --> 01:18:49,019 What's he doing here? 1084 01:18:49,089 --> 01:18:52,024 He probably came over to talk us out of suicide. 1085 01:18:52,092 --> 01:18:54,754 He can talk me out of it real easy. 1086 01:18:54,828 --> 01:18:56,659 Now hang on, men. 1087 01:18:56,730 --> 01:18:59,995 - Hang on for one more minute. - The life net's ready now. 1088 01:19:00,067 --> 01:19:02,535 Good. Very good. Come with me, Vince. 1089 01:19:02,602 --> 01:19:05,628 I'm ruined. I'm ruined! 1090 01:19:05,706 --> 01:19:07,867 What's Crampton gonna say? 1091 01:19:07,941 --> 01:19:09,636 You lame brain. 1092 01:19:09,710 --> 01:19:13,168 You thick-skulled, pin-headed, dim-witted bumbler! 1093 01:19:17,050 --> 01:19:19,075 Hey, boss, look. A net. 1094 01:19:20,554 --> 01:19:23,182 You don't suppose they expect us to jump? 1095 01:19:23,256 --> 01:19:26,555 No, that's probably just there for safety. 1096 01:19:26,626 --> 01:19:29,424 If Father O'Leary gets up here, 1097 01:19:29,496 --> 01:19:32,624 I'm gonna have him sneak me out the back way. 1098 01:19:32,699 --> 01:19:36,601 I helped him with his bazaar last year. 1099 01:19:36,670 --> 01:19:39,833 Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Stop right where you are. Don't move! 1100 01:19:39,906 --> 01:19:43,000 - Father O'Leary! - Where? 1101 01:19:43,076 --> 01:19:45,601 I wanted to go out the back way! 1102 01:19:45,679 --> 01:19:46,976 Over that way! 1103 01:19:47,047 --> 01:19:49,675 That's it. 1104 01:19:51,752 --> 01:19:55,745 Ease it over here. 1105 01:19:58,425 --> 01:20:00,916 Why would he try to commit suicide? 1106 01:20:02,662 --> 01:20:06,189 Get the chimp! Get the chimp! It's not bananas! 1107 01:20:06,266 --> 01:20:07,995 It's not bananas, it's the chimp! 1108 01:20:08,068 --> 01:20:11,401 He picks the shows, believe me. He knows. It's the chimp. 1109 01:20:11,471 --> 01:20:14,907 Bananas don't have anything to do with it. Get the chimp. 1110 01:20:14,975 --> 01:20:19,469 It's the chimp. He's the one. Help! Help! 1111 01:20:20,447 --> 01:20:23,314 There was a chimp, 1112 01:20:23,383 --> 01:20:26,910 came down the building before they discovered those guys up there. 1113 01:20:26,987 --> 01:20:28,648 It belonged to Steven Post. 1114 01:20:28,722 --> 01:20:30,952 Steven Post? The TV wonder boy? 1115 01:20:31,024 --> 01:20:33,584 - There's the other one. - This one was out with him. 1116 01:20:33,660 --> 01:20:35,457 What were you doing up there? 1117 01:20:35,529 --> 01:20:37,554 I was walking along on the tenth floor 1118 01:20:37,631 --> 01:20:39,531 and I seen this nut out on the ledge. 1119 01:20:39,599 --> 01:20:42,432 So I went out there to try to talk him out of jumping. 1120 01:20:42,502 --> 01:20:44,936 - Then this window got stuck... - Wait a minute. 1121 01:20:45,005 --> 01:20:47,701 You didn't happen to see him. You work for Wilbanks. 1122 01:20:47,774 --> 01:20:50,800 - Everyone knows that. Come on. - Talk him out of jumping? 1123 01:20:50,877 --> 01:20:53,505 Please, what are you talking about? 1124 01:20:53,580 --> 01:20:55,377 All right! Hold it! Hold it! 1125 01:20:55,449 --> 01:20:58,077 Look. We're gonna arrive at the truth of this thing, 1126 01:20:58,151 --> 01:21:00,346 so you might as well tell us now. 1127 01:21:00,420 --> 01:21:05,050 Well, my boss wanted me to help him get this kid's chimp. 1128 01:21:05,125 --> 01:21:08,458 The chimp belongs to Steven Post? What'd he want him for? 1129 01:21:08,528 --> 01:21:11,759 Come on! Out with it! 1130 01:21:11,832 --> 01:21:14,198 Well, it sounds kinda crazy but, 1131 01:21:14,267 --> 01:21:17,566 my boss thinks the chimp can pick the best TV shows. 1132 01:21:17,637 --> 01:21:21,095 Pretty funny? 1133 01:21:39,559 --> 01:21:41,151 - Excuse me! - Yeah, what? 1134 01:21:41,228 --> 01:21:44,026 This story about a chimp selecting our TV shows. 1135 01:21:44,097 --> 01:21:48,033 - What about it? - Well, do you believe it? 1136 01:21:48,101 --> 01:21:51,764 Of course, I believe it. I knew it all the time. 1137 01:21:57,444 --> 01:21:58,877 Madam? 1138 01:21:58,945 --> 01:22:02,346 What do you think of the rumor of a chimp selecting our TV shows? 1139 01:22:02,415 --> 01:22:05,578 A chimp picking TV shows? Ridiculous. 1140 01:22:05,652 --> 01:22:07,916 Well, you know how those rumors get started. 1141 01:22:07,988 --> 01:22:09,615 - I know I... - Wait a minute! 1142 01:22:09,689 --> 01:22:13,716 Those stations have been switching and canceling my favorite shows for years. 1143 01:22:13,793 --> 01:22:16,284 Maybe a chimp is behind this mess. 1144 01:22:16,363 --> 01:22:17,455 - No. - It's a plot. 1145 01:22:17,531 --> 01:22:19,590 - You're all in on it. - We have nothing... 1146 01:22:19,666 --> 01:22:22,396 I am so sick and tired of liking a show 1147 01:22:22,469 --> 01:22:25,461 and having it pulled off the air or put in another time. 1148 01:22:25,539 --> 01:22:27,200 - Madam... - It drives you crazy. 1149 01:22:27,274 --> 01:22:31,370 I'm getting to the point, I'd like to take the TV and throw it out the window. 1150 01:22:31,444 --> 01:22:33,639 The last show I liked, they took off the air. 1151 01:22:33,713 --> 01:22:37,080 The minute I got to like it, off the air. How do I know what happened? 1152 01:22:37,150 --> 01:22:38,845 I don't know what happened to John. 1153 01:22:46,393 --> 01:22:49,226 Has the man from the Justice Department arrived yet? 1154 01:22:49,296 --> 01:22:50,957 - Everybody's here, sir. - Good. 1155 01:22:51,031 --> 01:22:52,293 That's good. 1156 01:23:02,676 --> 01:23:05,372 Gentlemen, television has had problems before. 1157 01:23:05,445 --> 01:23:07,709 We can work this one out if we keep cool heads! 1158 01:23:09,716 --> 01:23:12,480 "Keep cool heads." 1159 01:23:12,552 --> 01:23:17,387 Your Wilbanks says you've got a monkey picking programs, 1160 01:23:17,457 --> 01:23:20,290 and you want us to "keep cool heads." 1161 01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:23,158 - I was delirious. - Don't give us that! 1162 01:23:23,229 --> 01:23:25,993 For ten years you've been the third-rated network. 1163 01:23:26,066 --> 01:23:29,467 Suddenly, you jump to number one. Now, there has to be a reason. 1164 01:23:29,536 --> 01:23:31,663 You don't have the personnel to do that. 1165 01:23:31,738 --> 01:23:34,138 Just a minute. I've plenty of personnel. 1166 01:23:34,207 --> 01:23:35,435 - I have... - Shut up. 1167 01:23:35,508 --> 01:23:38,409 Mr. Crampton. We've had a tacit understanding 1168 01:23:38,478 --> 01:23:40,912 to share technological advances. 1169 01:23:40,981 --> 01:23:43,882 It seems to me that you've betrayed that understanding. 1170 01:23:43,950 --> 01:23:46,510 - We have not. - Just a minute. 1171 01:23:46,586 --> 01:23:49,020 I must speak for the Justice Department. 1172 01:23:49,089 --> 01:23:52,855 We can have no understandings between networks, 1173 01:23:52,926 --> 01:23:55,759 - tacit or otherwise. - Come on, Harry. 1174 01:23:55,829 --> 01:23:59,492 How can the Department call a little chimpanzee a tech... 1175 01:23:59,566 --> 01:24:02,660 - So there's a chimp. - Then there is a chimp? 1176 01:24:04,771 --> 01:24:07,604 Gentlemen, please. 1177 01:24:07,674 --> 01:24:09,904 Admittedly, there is a chimp. 1178 01:24:09,976 --> 01:24:11,910 And he does like TV. 1179 01:24:11,978 --> 01:24:14,776 And it seems he does prefer the top-rated shows. 1180 01:24:14,848 --> 01:24:18,614 And he does go to the refrigerator and get a beer during the commercials. 1181 01:24:18,685 --> 01:24:22,246 Gentlemen! 1182 01:24:23,089 --> 01:24:28,356 If the American people ever found out that a chimpanzee 1183 01:24:28,428 --> 01:24:33,593 was selecting programs, it would be the end of TV. 1184 01:24:33,667 --> 01:24:35,225 Gentlemen. 1185 01:24:35,301 --> 01:24:39,135 I have a simple solution to the whole problem. 1186 01:24:39,205 --> 01:24:44,074 - Yes? - We must destroy the chimp. 1187 01:24:44,144 --> 01:24:47,079 No, no. I can't see it at all. 1188 01:24:48,114 --> 01:24:50,708 - We can't do that. - No. We couldn't... 1189 01:24:50,784 --> 01:24:54,811 Why, we'd have those societies for the prevention of things all over our backs. 1190 01:24:54,888 --> 01:24:57,220 That would be the end of our dog food accounts. 1191 01:24:57,290 --> 01:25:00,817 - I think I have an idea. - I hope it's better than the bananas. 1192 01:25:00,894 --> 01:25:03,055 It's practical and humane. 1193 01:25:03,129 --> 01:25:06,223 You see, a chimp belongs in a jungle, not in a network office. 1194 01:25:06,299 --> 01:25:08,767 We know that, Dr. Schmidt. That's the problem. 1195 01:25:08,835 --> 01:25:12,032 What we do is buy the chimp, return him to the jungle. 1196 01:25:12,105 --> 01:25:14,869 He'll be happy, the networks will continue on as usual 1197 01:25:14,941 --> 01:25:17,808 and we will be rid of Steven Post once and for all! 1198 01:25:17,877 --> 01:25:19,777 Brilliant, Schmidt, brilliant. 1199 01:25:19,846 --> 01:25:22,007 Bravo! Beautiful! That's the one. 1200 01:25:22,082 --> 01:25:26,280 We certainly have the money. And every man has his price. 1201 01:25:32,258 --> 01:25:36,456 So that's what they think? Every man's got his price. 1202 01:25:36,529 --> 01:25:39,396 Well, don't worry. I don't. 1203 01:25:40,300 --> 01:25:43,201 Steve, why don't we take him and blow this place? 1204 01:25:43,269 --> 01:25:44,668 Forget this whole rat race. 1205 01:25:44,738 --> 01:25:47,502 I don't want them to put him in a jungle. 1206 01:25:47,574 --> 01:25:52,341 Jen, they can't get to me. I can't be bought. 1207 01:25:53,546 --> 01:25:56,572 $500,000. 1208 01:25:57,751 --> 01:25:59,150 Right. 1209 01:26:00,353 --> 01:26:04,016 $500,000. That's a... That's a lot of money. 1210 01:26:04,090 --> 01:26:07,787 Well, of course it's a lot of money. How can you even hesitate? 1211 01:26:07,861 --> 01:26:10,887 - Well, I don't know... - Your future is on the line. 1212 01:26:10,964 --> 01:26:12,261 Now you listen to this. 1213 01:26:12,332 --> 01:26:14,994 You turn us down, you'll never work again. 1214 01:26:15,068 --> 01:26:18,629 Come on. Be smart, boy. 1215 01:26:20,273 --> 01:26:22,833 - I... I have a problem. - A problem? 1216 01:26:22,909 --> 01:26:25,537 Yes, sir. You see, someone else is involved and I... 1217 01:26:25,612 --> 01:26:27,807 Son, no more bickering. All right. 1218 01:26:27,881 --> 01:26:31,146 This will be our final offer. Take it or leave it. 1219 01:26:31,217 --> 01:26:33,276 One million dollars. 1220 01:26:40,894 --> 01:26:43,385 One million dollars. 1221 01:27:05,718 --> 01:27:07,913 You did it. 1222 01:27:08,588 --> 01:27:12,285 - You took the money. - One million dollars, Jen. 1223 01:27:13,526 --> 01:27:15,756 You know what they're going to do with him. 1224 01:27:16,362 --> 01:27:18,091 It was take it or leave it. 1225 01:27:18,164 --> 01:27:21,827 Besides, maybe a chimp does belong in the jungle. 1226 01:27:23,369 --> 01:27:25,769 - Not that one. - Jen. 1227 01:27:26,673 --> 01:27:31,576 We can get married now. We've got everything. 1228 01:27:33,413 --> 01:27:36,041 I thought we did for a while. 1229 01:27:37,350 --> 01:27:38,715 Now we have nothing. 1230 01:27:41,721 --> 01:27:44,713 I don't even think I like you very much anymore. 1231 01:28:44,484 --> 01:28:48,614 Boss. What I don't understand is why do you have to go? 1232 01:28:48,688 --> 01:28:51,623 Well, it's just too important a mission 1233 01:28:51,691 --> 01:28:53,921 to trust to, underlings. 1234 01:28:53,993 --> 01:28:56,553 Yeah, but all the other networks are here. 1235 01:28:56,629 --> 01:28:59,792 I get it. You don't trust each other. 1236 01:29:01,768 --> 01:29:04,066 Well, of course we trust each other. 1237 01:29:04,137 --> 01:29:07,072 Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that? 1238 01:29:07,140 --> 01:29:10,735 It's just that we're getting together to have a little, outing. 1239 01:29:10,810 --> 01:29:13,472 Yes. And you're in charge while we're gone. 1240 01:29:13,546 --> 01:29:16,276 Me in charge? You're kidding? 1241 01:29:16,349 --> 01:29:18,783 We've never been more serious! 1242 01:29:18,851 --> 01:29:21,718 Well, what am I supposed to do? 1243 01:29:21,788 --> 01:29:25,485 Absolutely nothing. If anyone asks a question, you don't know the answer. 1244 01:29:25,558 --> 01:29:27,924 Anyone wants a decision, stall. 1245 01:29:27,994 --> 01:29:31,395 Don't do anything at all! Do you think you can handle that? 1246 01:29:31,464 --> 01:29:33,455 Yeah. 1247 01:29:43,676 --> 01:29:45,268 Now what? 1248 01:29:48,715 --> 01:29:51,684 Mr. Wilbanks, can I talk to you for a minute? 1249 01:29:51,751 --> 01:29:54,015 - About what? - Well... 1250 01:29:54,087 --> 01:29:56,715 You see, I was wondering if maybe you'd reconsider. 1251 01:29:56,789 --> 01:29:59,849 I give you the million dollars back, you give me the chimp? 1252 01:29:59,926 --> 01:30:03,987 Well, certainly not, Post. Are you crazy? A deal is a deal. 1253 01:30:04,063 --> 01:30:07,794 - That's all there is to it! - Of all the nerve! 1254 01:30:44,037 --> 01:30:45,368 All set, Uncle. 1255 01:30:45,438 --> 01:30:49,397 Mertons is in charge till we get back. Help him all you can. 1256 01:30:50,710 --> 01:30:52,735 Mertons is in charge? 1257 01:30:58,284 --> 01:31:00,980 Now, open the door, Roger. 1258 01:31:25,511 --> 01:31:27,342 Gee, I'm sorry, Steve. 1259 01:31:27,413 --> 01:31:30,007 But I guess you can't have everything. 1260 01:31:31,017 --> 01:31:34,646 Boy, I'd sure do it different if I had another chance. 1261 01:31:51,471 --> 01:31:53,962 Boy, you gentlemen sure picked an isolated spot. 1262 01:31:54,040 --> 01:31:56,941 I don't think this place has ever been explored. 1263 01:31:57,009 --> 01:31:59,910 Well, don't worry, about the chimp. 1264 01:31:59,979 --> 01:32:02,140 He's used to fending for himself. 1265 01:32:02,215 --> 01:32:04,115 Okay, if you'll clear this area, 1266 01:32:04,183 --> 01:32:07,949 I'm gonna open this and there's gonna be suction. I don't want to lose you. 1267 01:32:08,020 --> 01:32:10,181 Right. We'll watch it from back there. 1268 01:32:10,256 --> 01:32:13,555 Okay, take it easy back there, gentlemen? 1269 01:32:13,626 --> 01:32:16,823 And by all means, don't touch any of those levers. 1270 01:32:16,896 --> 01:32:20,491 Don't worry about that chute. It's guaranteed to open in ten seconds. 1271 01:32:21,134 --> 01:32:23,034 Don't touch that lever.. 1272 01:32:23,102 --> 01:32:26,128 That's a no-no. Don't do that. No, no, no. 1273 01:32:26,205 --> 01:32:28,571 - Are you comfortable, chief? - Just fine. 1274 01:32:28,641 --> 01:32:30,905 As soon as the chimp is out, we'll have lunch. 1275 01:32:30,977 --> 01:32:32,911 - That'll be nice. - All right. 1276 01:32:32,979 --> 01:32:34,674 Here we go. Open up. 1277 01:32:34,747 --> 01:32:37,978 Out we go. Jump. Jump. 1278 01:32:38,050 --> 01:32:40,348 When you throw him out, 1279 01:32:40,419 --> 01:32:43,252 be sure you throw him far enough so he's in the pictures! 1280 01:32:43,322 --> 01:32:45,950 Here we go. Out we go. No? 1281 01:32:46,025 --> 01:32:48,721 - Will you throw him out? - I don't think he wants to go. 1282 01:32:48,794 --> 01:32:52,161 I don't think he wants to go. Put your foot out. Here we go. 1283 01:32:52,231 --> 01:32:55,166 - Get rid of him! - Foot up. Come on. Get out. 1284 01:33:02,008 --> 01:33:04,374 Mr. Crampton! 1285 01:33:04,443 --> 01:33:07,503 Mr. Crampton! 1286 01:33:38,010 --> 01:33:40,501 I think I can explain this, guys. 1287 01:33:40,580 --> 01:33:45,108 We were cruising up there at 2,000 feet, and the wind... 1288 01:34:04,637 --> 01:34:07,697 Hello? Steve! 1289 01:34:07,773 --> 01:34:10,640 Yeah. Yeah. I... 1290 01:34:10,710 --> 01:34:14,077 I seem to be calling for a friend of yours. 1291 01:34:14,146 --> 01:34:16,979 Say, this is gonna be hard to believe 1292 01:34:17,049 --> 01:34:19,745 but you remember that chance you were talking about? 1293 01:34:19,819 --> 01:34:22,617 Well, ya got it! 1294 01:34:22,688 --> 01:34:24,815 Yeah! 1295 01:34:24,890 --> 01:34:28,621 It was that simple. I gave Mertons the million, and he gave me the chimp. 1296 01:34:28,694 --> 01:34:31,128 It must have been tough to give up all that money. 1297 01:34:31,197 --> 01:34:35,258 Mertons needed it to finance a force to find Wilbanks and the rest of them. 1298 01:34:35,334 --> 01:34:38,770 You know, when you think about it, it wasn't even my money. 1299 01:34:38,838 --> 01:34:41,898 It was yours. He's your chimp. 1300 01:34:41,974 --> 01:34:45,068 You mean, I gave up a million bucks? 1301 01:34:45,144 --> 01:34:47,544 Yep. 1302 01:34:47,613 --> 01:34:51,743 You know what, Steve? I don't even think we're gonna miss it. 1303 01:34:51,817 --> 01:34:53,614 And now an exclusive. 1304 01:34:53,686 --> 01:34:56,382 Steven Post, television's man of the year, 1305 01:34:56,455 --> 01:35:00,152 resigned his position today as vice president of UBC, 1306 01:35:00,226 --> 01:35:02,786 and took as his bride, Miss Jennifer Scott, 1307 01:35:02,862 --> 01:35:05,797 his private secretary and childhood sweetheart. 1308 01:35:05,865 --> 01:35:08,265 Their honeymoon destination is unknown, 1309 01:35:08,334 --> 01:35:10,427 but wherever they go, their many friends 1310 01:35:10,503 --> 01:35:13,802 wish this storybook couple the storybook ending: 1311 01:35:13,873 --> 01:35:17,070 That they live happily ever after.